Cheated (Phan)

Chapter 2

I woke up to the sound of a duck quacking and rolled over groaning. When I first set that sound for the alarm on my phone it I had thought waking up to the sound of ducks would automatically make me feel happy when I woke up. Turns out that's not quite how it worked. I started to link the sound to the horrible feeling you get when you realise you have to leave the warm nest of blankets you've made and you're going to have to face the day, meaning I generally got a feeling of dread as soon as they opened their beaks. I still loved the animals, and the baby ducks were even more adorable, but the sound of their quaking could fill me with a mix of dread and anger, so as long as they stay silent it's all good. Once they start making noise things go downhill and I feel the forbidden urge to strangle one. Obviously I would never do it, but the desire was there.

The normal amount of resistance I felt towards getting out of bed was there as usual, but today there was about twice that amount added on top. Today it wasn't just icy winds that faced me outside the comfort of my bed - it was my ex too. Thinking of him as my ex felt weird, and despite all the crying I'd done about it yesterday it hadn't sunk in yet fully. My heart still did the little flippy over thing when I thought of him before the memory of him kissing that girl yesterday resurfaced and filled me with a slightly scary mixture of sadness and pure rage. I remembered yelling at him yesterday and how all traces of sadness had been replaced by anger in a matter of seconds when he'd tried to talk to me, and I was scared I'd do something like punch him if he spoke to me again. It was that or bursting into tears and begging him to take me back, and to be honest I wasn't sure which of the two I preferred.

Mom was always out of the house before I was out of bed in the mornings, so I was seriously considering just staying at home and telling her I hadn't felt well enough for school. True enough, just not in the way she'd expect.

I sighed deeply and screwed up the courage to pull aside my warm sheets.

"Man up you coward," I told myself, "You've already missed some of school because of him. You're not failing your GCSEs because of some guy."

A tiny voice piped up in the back of my head arguing that he wasn't just some guy, he was my perfect guy. The only problem was that he'd cheated on me, and hadn't seemed to regret anything other than being caught, so not quite as ideal as I'd always thought. Pretty damn close though.

I silenced it and swung my legs out of bed, complaining to myself as I went to the bathroom to have a shower. I got ready on autopilot, only snapping out of it when I realised I'd insistently been trying to get a left shoe on my right foot for the last five minutes, not giving up when it wouldn't work until I managed it and realised just how odd it felt. I took it off and put it on my left foot where it belonged, pulling on the other shoe too before plugging in my headphones and walking out of the door. I ate breakfast on the go, just a slice of toast I'd grabbed on the way out and chomped on it as I let the sound of my music drown out the world and even some of the things going on in my mind, making me feel a bit better.

I arrived at school too fast, and guess who was there at the school gates waiting to ambush me? My ex. I deliberately veered around him, trying to avoid him, but he came after me and caught my hand, pulling me to a stop. He swung me round gently and planted himself in front of me, my hand still in his. I took it back and turned back to go to registration, but he moved to stand in front of me again, putting his hand on my shoulder this time, stepping closer. I avoided looking at him and tried to step past him again, ducking my head as I passed him. Again, he didn't give up, this time taking out my headphones and keeping a hold of them, knowing I would never leave them behind. I felt myself get more pissed off by the second, but at the same time I couldn't trust myself to look up at him without bursting into tears again, so I kept looking at the ground when I spoke.