thunderstruck | book #2 | discontinued

X X X I I

"He's going to hate me," Remy whispered, almost to herself. She and Sarah were sat on the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the reception of the police station after many unsuccessful attempts at getting Maksim released from their custody. The receptionist was still glaring at her but Remy didn't care. She was still trembling, not just from this but from the fight she had had with her mother. Her eyes were still bloodshot and her lips still wobbly if she forgot to bite down on them.

"I don't think he could ever hate you," Sarah responded softly, putting her hand on Remy's shoulder in reassurance.

"My mum does, and she has every right to." She put her head in her hands, inhaling a ragged breath. The world beneath her feet had felt unsteady since she had gone to Astracia for the first time and now, finally, it was falling through, dragging her into a place she did not want to be, a place where she no longer felt like herself. "I've made a mess of everything. I've hurt everyone, Sarah; you, my mum, my brothers and sisters...And now Max has been arrested."

"Remy," Sarah sighed, pulling Remy's hands away from her face. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I forgive you. Your mum will forgive you. Max will forgive you. You didn't want any of this. It's not your fault. I just..."

Sarah looked hesitant, trailing off as though changing her mind.

Remy sniffed, frowning. "What? You're still mad at me?"

"No. I just ... I don't get it, Remy. Maybe I never will. I just don't know what you see in him. I don't see how he could be worth all the pain he's put you through, all the ups and downs and the not knowing. He's ... He's breaking you, and I'm worried you're just letting him. That's not you." Her voice was quiet, timid, her brown eyes lowering to her hands that were now fidgeting in her lap.

Remy was taken aback for a moment. She and Sarah had never talked about relationships and feelings, not really. It was strange; though she thought she had lost Sarah, she felt somehow closer to her now, as though the glass wall that had been there before, limiting them to small talk and monotony, had been shattered.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that," Sarah said in the silence. Around them, people were shuffling about, police officers pacing with paperwork in their hands and the receptionists typing frantically on their computers behind the desk. None of them had any idea that a warlock was in the next room. None of them had any idea that Remy was breaking because of him.

"No." She shook her head. "You're right. It's just different with him. I've never had anyone fight for me the way he fought for me. I've never had anyone want to save my life so badly that they're willing to jump into a toxic lake and risk drowning, or worse. Do you know what it's like, to actually have someone who looks at you and sees something worth dying for? And I've never had anyone to fight for the way I want to fight for him. I would die for him, Sarah. I've never had that before. I never want to lose it. Maybe it's wrong, maybe he's bad for me, but it doesn't feel that way, not when I'm with him—not even when we're fighting. It feels like I'm finally where I'm supposed to be. I don't know how to stop caring. I don't know how to move on."

She paused, gaging Sarah's reaction. When her friend stared at her blankly, blinking behind her glasses, Remy felt foolish and looked away, trying to hide her blush.

"It's stupid ... It's—"

She never got to finish her sentence, because a door slammed from one of the corridors leading away from the reception, causing everyone sitting in the waiting area to jump and look for the source. Dread filled her stomach as she stood up, watching as Maksim marched through the reception with his eyes blazing. He was rubbing his wrists, his coat flying out behind him. He looked just as he had the first few times they had met, when he hated her, only now she knew that there were fresh scars beneath his clothes, ones that had not been there before her.

"Max," she spoke quietly, following him out of the double doors. She could feel Sarah trailing awkwardly behind them. "Are you alright? Did they let you go?"

"Go home, Remy. I am fine," he responded through gritted teeth without looking back at her—in fact, he had not looked at her once since he had emerged from the interrogation room.

"Wait, just talk to me. What did they say?" she shouted desperately, trying to speed up as they raced down the stone steps. The sound of sirens in the distance deafened her, the sun too bright against her teary eyes. She wanted him to stop, just for a moment, just to get her breath back and calm down, but he wouldn't. He wouldn't even reply to her now.

"Max," she pleaded, jogging until she was standing in front of him, forcing him to come to a halt. She was speechless for a moment; his cheeks were bright red with anger, with beads of sweat trickling from his hairline and his mouth pursed into a harsh line. His whole body was rippling with something foreign, his hands balled into fists and the bottom of his coat wavering ominously in the gentle breeze. She had never seen him like this, not even at Nil Lake. Something was wrong and she could not help but think that it might be her.

"I'm sorry," she gulped finally, her throat aching with guilt. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't know. Max, I'm so sorry."

"Of course you are sorry. It is all you mortals can be, isn't it?" he spat, pushing past her roughly.

"Max—"

"My name is Maksim!" he shouted, so loudly that Remy flinched. He looked around himself, at the grey sky and plain buildings, at the half-empty carpark and the police cars racing past on the road ahead. Remy wondered what he saw. She wondered if he had ever seen rubbish bins overflowing with waste or walls covered in graffiti before. She wondered if he thought she belonged here, among it all, or if any of it really mattered to him.

"I do not belong here," he muttered finally, raking a hand through his hair. It was wavy and loose, not styled as it had been when they had first met. She had liked it that way, but now she thought it only meant that he was not his usual collected and stubborn self. "I am going home. It would do you well to do the same—and this time, stay there, if you would."

Her mouth opened but she found she had nothing to say. Instead, she let the tears run freely down her face as he walked away, disappearing around the corner as though he could not wait to get out of her line of vision. She turned around, her shoulders slumping hopelessly. Sarah was standing on the steps of the station still, shuffling as though she was not quite sure what to do.

When she saw Remy's devastated expression, she ran to her. Remy let her hug her for the first time since they had ever been friends. She had never noticed before that Sarah was taller than her so that her chin barely rested on her shoulder. How much more did she not know about the girl she had been calling her best friend?

"I'm sorry," Remy whispered weakly, wishing she could collapse under the weight pressing onto her chest. "For everything."

Sarah's grip on her tightened. "I know."