Wanting to fit in...

chapter four.....memories resurfaced

*Flashback*

'Look at her who does she think she is?.'

'Don't even waste your breath,she's nothing but a slut'

'Yea...I heard she slept with mr.fitz just to get a B on the history test we had last week.'

Everyday it's always the same story  over and over again ...I have spent countless nights trying to figure out why..why I had to be born this way..why they hate me so much.

I guess you can call it bullying ..but they never crossed the line and got physical with it..it was much preferred to throw hate filled words at me rather than to waste energy on a no good freak.

You see the reason my so called bullies hate was because I have what people say no filter..I usually just tell you the first thing that pops into my mind before thinking it over in my head ...it's safe to say people don't like to hear the truth.Or maybe it's because I give people names that I think suits them...I don't do it to annoy anyone it's how I remeber them ..It's very hard to remember names so I give them names that suits them so it would be easier to recognize them ya know.

Being called degrading names can take a toll on a girl but for me it took a toll on my skin..I have one friendmr.razor the only one to comfort me when i'm in tears.

*End of flashback*

Waking up from a bad dream is one thing but waking up from memories is another..shaking and gasping for air I struggled to get up to take a bath since I was covered in sweat..To this day i'm still afraid of people that's why I act the way I do to try to fit in ..to just be loved.

I was ten when the bullying started,thirteen when I first cut myself,fourteen when I started starving myself..and what pains me the most is that my own mother still thinks everything is bright and sunny in my world..

I coud still hear her words from last night ringing in my ears.."she's always been like this..I don't remeber when it started"

I'm not one of those kids who kept serious things like that from thir parents ..I told her about the bullying once didn't go the way I wanted..

*Flashback*

'momma?' a ten year old me called

"yes baby i'm in the kitchen..'

I remember running and hugging around the waist with tears rushing down my face.

"Momma they tease me and call me names..why momma? why me?"

"Who did sweetheart?"

I remember the look on her face worried for her baby.

"The kids at school"

"Don't be silly they would never do that ..now go to your room and start your homework dear."

"but.."

"No buts go now young lady..it's not good to tell lies now leave me"

It was as if her parental switchhad been turned off..dismissing me with a look of contempt on her face.

still crying I rushed to my room angry at the universe for punishing me..it was then that I vowed to myself that I would try to fit in ..be more like others than me.

*End of flashback*

I didn't realize I was crying until felt something wet  on my cheeks..after all these years it still feelsas if it was only yeaterday.

" Why are you crying?", startled I whirled to face hook,who was standing there looking curious and concerned at the same time.

" I'm not crying something was in my eyes ..hurt like a bizznizzle on steroids..now if you'll excuse me I have to take a bath."

Without looking back I headed straight to the bathroom and locked the door.

Time to pay a visit to mr.razor.

Author's note

Hope you guys liked this..most of this chapter was based on what happened to me personally except for the bullying(ain't no bish gonna violate meh).. 

Bullying is serious if you know someone is being bullied..contact the nearest adults or do something to help them..

bye noww