Shadows are eternal (re-write)

Astraea

It had been a long time since I had felt anything. To begin with the numbness had been a relief. No more sadness, no more pain. But as time went on it became unbearable. I had forgotten what it was like to feel and I hated it so much that I had almost welcomed the daily torture sessions that had once come with my confinement. They had given me the chance to maybe, just for a little while, feel something. Even if that something was to be pain.

Darkness and silence were all I had known for a while now. I wasn't quite sure how long. Days? Months? Years? It was hard to keep track of time when in impenetrable darkness. My only way of possibly keeping track of time was when my tormentors had arrived to cut into my broken body in an attempt to break my soul. They had come like clockwork. How long was between their visits however, was unknown to me. I could have been every day or even just once a month. Frankly, I didn't care. I had welcomed their attempts to inflict pain on to me. I had welcomed the chance to one again feel something.

One part of me that had not faded into oblivion was the memories of my life before captivity. The memories which had haunted me for a long time and seemed to be nothing more than a story being retold to me over and over again. Although I knew they were my memories I felt like I was just an outsider looking in. I could remember a time when I didn't know pain, simply joy and love. I had been surrounded by friends. A pair of loyal friends one with hair like blood the other with hair like the sun. A pair that always seemed to contrast each other but when they worked together were near unstoppable. Siblings that had laughed and loved without a care. And best of all, a mate, a husband who had been more subdued than the rest but had loved me fiercely as I had loved him. With his dark hair that matched mine and chocolate eyes that had melted my entire being, he had been the centre of my world. But the happy memories were always soon overshadowed by the dark ones.

There had been a night full of pain and blood. My friends, my family, my mate, all gone in an instant. An agony that had ripped through my being and broke me. Rage and grief and sheer pain had overwhelmed me for years as I had wandered searching for the one to blame. A single betrayal had cost me everything and I wanted the traitor to pay. Eventually the rage had faded though the grief and pain remained. I knew that eventually the traitor would come after me so I decided to continue wandering. I had no home anymore so what else was I to do?

After what seemed like a life time I had come across a young family living within a few miles of a gigantic magical barrier. I was unsure about the barrier but had pushed it to the back of my mind as I had studied the family. A mother, a father and three young girls. I, at the time, had no idea why the five humans had caught my attention. They seemed like nothing more than a wealthy human family. But, even so, a part of me seemed to reach out to them. So I had posed as an orphan girl, and the parents had taken me in. Within a year the three small girls had become my sister and the youngest one, Feyre, had become almost like a daughter to me. For the first time since I had lost everything, the grief and pain weren't all that I felt. They were still there but in the background as I enjoyed love and genuine happiness once again. However there was a fear that had come with the happiness, I was constantly afraid that the traitor would arrive and take away my girls. I tried to ignore it but one day my fears were confirmed. I felt his presence nearby so I had left. I had run away from my happiness ,without a proper goodbye, because I was scared he would destroy it completely.

Within days of me leaving I had been captured by him and his forces. They had locked me in a cell and had been tormenting me, trying to break me ever since. But despite the time I had spent here, I hadn't broken completely yet. A part of me suspected that it was because of the knowledge that my girls were alive and well. They were alive and for as long as they remained that way, I would endure...