suicide storys

Ashley

I'll be 23 at the end of the month. I've been dealing with my depression since the eighth grade, I just didn't know it then. I'm the ninth grade my best friend at the time started running safety pins over her arms, so I started also. I realized it felt good. I felt alone even though I had friends. I felt like my dad didn't care about me. (I wad living with both my parents.) The cutting got worse, eventually I started seeing my school counselor who I contribute as a reason I'm still here. Then in May of my freshman year I took ten Tylenol while at school. I know, not enough to do anything. The other school counselor found out and had my mom take me to the hospital. Like I said, no enough to do anything. But I was put over in the physch ward. I got out after three days. Summer came and went then my sophomore year started. Still cutting, still suicidal. But in September I found out I was pregnant. I felt like I had no one, even though I still had all my friends. At one point I almost ended up in this home out of state for pregnant girls who suffered with depression. But I didn't, I stayed at school. The cutting continued, I was in the counselors office everyday probably. Just like I was my freshman year. I didn't want to live, but I knew I had to for my baby boy. He was born May 5th 2008. I almost out him up for adoption, but once I saw his face I just couldn't. Again, summer came and went. I learned how to take care of a baby at 16/17. I went back to school for my junior year, noting really different. I wad a tad bit better because I wad trying to be strong for my son. But it was hard. Dad still didn't really accept me. By the way, he ignored my my whole pregnancy. Anyways, finished my junior year out. Finally, my senior year. Didn't even think I would make it alive to be there. The year went by with no problems really. Still dealt with my depression and by now I loved being in the counselors office. It was my safe place. I knew I could go there no matter what. Ended up graduating with the people I'd gone to school with my whole life. :) after high school I've had times of cutting again, feeling worthless etc. But here I am, about to turn 23. I haven't cut in a year I think? My baby boy saved my life, as well as my old school counselor who I'm still in contact with. I went through five years of severe depression, and I came out alive. You guys can do it too. There is a purpose to your life. Mine was to be here for my son. <3