Before I Go ➸ L.H

11

Selena...

When I wake on Sunday morning, I have a new feeling in my gut. Something telling me that the day isn't going to be as happy as the others. My legs swing over the bed and I go into the restroom and do my daily morning tasks. After taking my pills, I head downstairs.

Where a usually happy Cher sits, is an upset best friend. My parents stand behind her also with frowns upon their faces.

"What's wrong?" I ask as I take a seat next to Cher.

"Selena I know we've already talked about this, but we have to talk about it again please" Her voice slightly cracks as if she's been crying.

"What about?" I furrow my eyebrows.

"Selena, Cher is worried for you. She told us what happened last night" My mother tells me.

I look from my parents to Cher who is obviously distressed. A bit of guilt rises in me.

"Selena last night was probably the scariest thing i've had to witness. You worried me so badly, and I hate seeing you through this pain" She admits her fear for me.

"Cher, Im sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm okay though." I try and convince her.

She shakes her head at me and looks down to her lap. I look over to my parents who look sorrowfully at Cher. Irritation with my parents takes over my emotions.

"I told you why I didn't bother. It's not like my parents care, Like I had a reason to try and live." I snap, my eyes beginning to water.

"Selena what are you talking about, of course we care about you" My father says, but I don't believe it.

"Yes because completely pushing your daughter away and avoiding her at all cost is caring" I reply harshly.

The nerve they have to claim they care. Of course it's only when someone is around so they can try and claim best parents award. I see right through their act.

"Why don't you see from our point of view Selena. We never meant to push you away, but with us trying to prepare for the worst it just happened" My mother cries.

"Maybe if you acted like real parents I would've tried more" I fire back at her.

"Selena stop please" Cher finally speaks up again. "Please just reconsider the treatment"

I shake my head at her. She'll only leave right after and then what? Things will be the same as before, only i'll be healthy and normal.

"Ill stay right by your side, Please do this. If not for you, then for me. Your new friends" She grabs my hand. "I promise i'll stay by your side this time"

I release my hand from her grip and stand from my spot. I go back to my room, slamming the door while I'm at it. So this is what all of this has been about. Trying to fix me again, last time that didn't work like everyone thought.

I lay back onto my bed and let a few tears fall onto my cheeks. Obviously I would love to get better for myself, but all the pain I'll have to go through again. I'm just not sure if it's worth it. It might not even work. But the pleading look on Cher's face is what breaks my heart. She's my best friend and all I feel is guilt since i'm disappointing her.

I do wonder what life would be like if I was cured. Being able to do normal things with my friends and not being watched like a child. Being able to grow and possibly have a family. Family. I've never thought of that till now. Family with who though? Boys haven't been my main priority until Luke.

Luke. He's been kind of childish and annoying for a while, but he's kind of rubbing off on me. He's quite nice and I enjoy his company a lot. I wonder if he'd like me if I was normal.

I finally can somewhat understand how Cher is feeling. I wipe my face and take a deep breath. Before I walk out of my room again, I pick up the photo of us. Maybe this could be me again.

I walk downstairs to where everyone is still at. Their attention turns to me as I stand in front of them. Cher looks at me with red eyes and I walk over to her. My arms wrap around her and she hugs back. I sigh loudly before pulling away from our embrace.

"I'll do it." I mutter. "I'll do it for you Cher"

And with that, happy cries fill the kitchen and arms wrap around me in happiness. The first time my parents have actually shown me affection in years. I'm hoping I don't regret my decision.

Luke...

I lay on the couch and my eyes focus on the video game Michael is into. I let out a groan and they roll their eyes again.

"Jesus Luke what is it?" Ashton wines.

"Nothing, Nothing" I lie.

They turn their attention back to the telly and I stay thinking. Last night was a bit of a disaster after Selena got sick. It made me start thinking a lot.

Her friend Cher is really attractive and I couldn't quite keep my eyes away. I barley know her, but I also barley know Selena. We don't really talk, but that can change. Then I begin to think about Selena. I'm trying to make up for my mistakes. Selena's really pretty too, and kind and funny. I like being around her. But she has cancer. I just don't want to get too attached to someone and then lose them.

I groan again and before the lads say anything again my phone buzzes. Selena's name shows and I open it.

*Hey, I've got some news*

News? Is it good or bad. Oh no, what if when she went home something worse happened.

*Good or bad? What's happening?*

I get more and more anxious by each minute that goes by. She finally replies with something that makes my heart skip a beat.

*Well long story short, I'm going to be having surgery soon. For the brain tumor. Cher finally convinced me into getting treatment*

I'm frozen as I stare at the screen. Happiness explodes in me, but I'm still frozen. She's getting better. She's going to be okay. I almost want to cry of how happy I am, but I stay calm. I don't want the guys asking questions.

*This is great, you don't understand how happy I am right now*

Then the thoughts that I was thinking about before come back to my mind. Now my emotions are confused. Now there's Cher and Selena.

"Guys, I don't know what to do" I say into a pillow.

"What is it?" Calum asks.

"I mean I know we haven't known the girls that long, but I don't know. I've been keeping my eyes on Cher since we met her, but now Selena is- She's just different" I catch myself before saying anything about her treatment.

The boys don't know about her cancer, I don't want to slip up about it.

"Well Cher doesn't talk much, and I didn't think she'd really be your type" Michael says, his eyes still glued to the screen.

"Just wait a while, till you get to know them both more. Personally I think you've had a thing for Selena even though once again we barley know them" Ashton tells me.

I nod and stare at the ceiling still stuck in my thoughts. Maybe Selena getting better will show me who I really have my eye for.

___

Published June 26, 2018

Short chapter, but at least there's some good news in it. Please Vote, Comment, Follow maybe? Cooool have a nice day.
Word Count: 1311