Moving Forward

Chapter 11: Chris Norway

"I'm sorry I'm late but I got you some sunflowers," I smiled sitting down on the grass, "I know that is not an excuse but I knew they would put a smile on your face."

I placed the flowers in the holder beside my grandmother's grave. It still felt unreal to be sitting here with her. I could still smell her strawberry candy lipstick on my cheek like she had already kissed me. I remember when my mom would drop me off late and she would be so upset until I pulled out a sunflower. It was such a bittersweet memory because now I couldn't see how happy it made her.

A lone tear fell before I wiped it off and laughed sadly, "I miss you so much. I have so much to tell you."

I pulled out my phone and went through my pictures but I continued to talk, "Mom still hasn't changed her hours at work and no she is not seeing anyone yet. I know you are worried about her but she is fine."

The wind blew hard almost knocking the sunflowers out of the holder. I quickly adjusted it and said, "I know you don't like it but she just doesn't want to date."

I pulled up the picture I wanted and turned my phone towards the tombstone, "But guess what? This is the guy that I am seeing."

The picture was of Harry and the only person I've ever shown her was of Kiana, my first serious relationship. I should have known that it wasn't going to end well because when I showed her picture, it rained. Right now, the wind was steady and everything was quiet. This made me think that she was listening or liking the way he looked. I smiled, "I know he looks good right but it's not officially anything yet. Plus, I know you are probably mad at me for all my extra activities that I have been doing, so I wanted to show you that I could actually like someone."

She was always real with me except for the whole seahorse thing so it was only right that I told her about what I have been doing. She had given me the talk before and after I came out to her. My mother told her to stop giving me condoms at the beginning of my ninth-grade year and she would say, "If he comes in here with a disease or baby, then it's gonna be your fault."

I wasn't even thinking about sex at that time but after her passing, I just didn't know how to cope. That's when I met Deonte and that was a huge mistake because I had to tell her about the chain. Then Kiana came along and I thought that she was perfect until she betrayed me.

I sat for a few more moments before really looking at the tombstone. It hits me every time that she can't talk back to me. She was the first person I truly was honest with other than my mother. She taught me about loving who I was even when I didn't know. The familiar burning of my face let me know that the water works were about to come. I shamelessly choked up, tears falling rapidly down my face and uncaring if I will ever catch my breath.

I breathe deeply but I still cried, "I really wish you could talk back to me. I don't know what I'm going to do when I graduate. Darrius is for sure going to get an academic or athletic scholarship while I'll be lucky enough to even get an athletic. But I don't want to play basketball. That's Darrius not me."

I used my jackets arm to wipe my face again before continuing, "I love designing. You are the only person I can actually say that too. I love it so much but I don't want to hurt my mom. She thinks designing took my father away and I know that wasn't it. He was just a selfish man that didn't want his family to get in the way of his dreams. I don't want her to think they will do the same."

The wind blew against my face and I thought she was touching me. A calming sensation washed over me and I just cried a little more. Then I heard footsteps and my eyes shot open. No one really comes here since it's a private section of the cemetery. I stood up and looked around. I saw a tall figure in the distance before a clear view of blonde hair and black jacket appeared. It was coming closer and the way this person slumped over seemed familiar.