ugly • min yoongi

children ; 1

A/N : This is a rough draft.

So I faked a smile today, I told everyone I was okay, when I obviously wasn't. People just opt for not being known as someone who didn't care enough to ask the girl if she's doing okay after her mom passed away, but what's honestly worst is that I didn't get to tell her the truth myself, that I was very sorry, and that I've been hating myself for it.

☆~~

I remember it all vividly, coming home after what seemed like forever. I've always felt like everyone around me was moving in a phase where I can no longer catch up. It always felt like I was stuck at a time in my life, and that I wasn't getting out of it.

I felt like I was always falling off a moving bicycle while everyone else was already getting the hang of it. I've always been a child, I try so hard to act like an adult, but my mind and heart was just too naive to believe that people are fair, but I never really experienced life that well to understand. I never really had an opportunity to do so, not until now..

☆~~

"So, how many was it today?" A voice behind me spoke as I take a view of the city that was just below me.

I didn't bother to turn around as my mind was drifting away at this rooftop. I knew it was him, and it just took me a second to respond back.

"23 times... 23 times I smiled, and 23 times I said I was fine.."

"And 23 times that you lied.." he said, and it was true. The past few days has all been a show that I was putting up with and only he knew..

It's all just a mask, and I have to hide myself because I'm ugly...

"It's all my fault.. Why did I have to be like this.."

"No.. no it isn't, you didn't know how this would've ended. You only wanted to protect your mom. Eli, you only meant for no one to get hurt."

He's right, I only wanted something that wouldn't hurt my mom, but I knew I was wrong.

"If I just told her I knew, and that I told her what I saw from the first place then she wouldn't feel so betrayed and alone.. She would still be here!"

If I told her I saw dad kissing another woman.. It would've all been different. She wouldn't have felt the need to retaliate, and she would have just stayed home to talk with me..

"You didn't know El.. What it could have been, what it would have been. You didn't make this happen. It wasn't your choice." He placed both his hands on my shoulders, and he stepped forward. As he got closer, he moved my hair to the side, and placed his lips on the crook of my neck..

"I could've prevented it from happening.." I sighed and removed him from me, and I turned around to face him..

"My mom's dead! Yoongi! She's dead! I couldn't even say what I've always wanted to say to her, but I was just a coward!"

"Stop beating yourself up for it again and again El." He whispered as he hugged me, I've always felt secure when its Yoongi.

☆~~

It's always been him who knew everything. He's always the person I'd go to with my worries, problems, and things that I needed to get off my chest.

It's always been him...

He understands me when even I myself couldn't, he's always there when I needed a friend, and it seemed like it was just me against the world.

It was always him... and as far as I know, it will always be him.

☆~~

I woke up in Yoongi's apartment again, in his bed. For the past few days I've been waking up in his apartment. We would see each other in the rooftop, but then I would always fall asleep in his arms. The next thing I know, I would wake up from it.

We lived next door ever since we were little kids. He knew how lonely it has been for me to be alone that I didn't need to say it.

After what happened, I've been living alone... My dad is nowhere to be found after what happened to my mom, and it didn't do me any better financially to be 17 with no job, and so Yoongi has been there to help me.

"Awake? Get ready and come down to eat El, my aunt cooked pancakes for us." I looked at the time. It was 8:12AM on a Saturday. I quickly got up and went to Yoongi's bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.

He's always had a spare toothbrush for me to use since I slept over from time to time, even before.

-

After I got down. I noticed that Yoongi is in the kitchen munching on some pancakes. Unfortunately again he got chocolate syrup all over his cheek again.

"Where's aunt Sal?" I asked, giggled at how cute he looked.

"She went out to buy some groceries. Did you just giggle?"

I grabbed a paper towel and moved closer to him. He looked at me, and as I reach the paper towel to his cheek. He stopped and held my wrist.

We stared at each other for a bit until he spoke,

"Thanks, I can do it myself.." he smiled.

"Uh- I- yeah.. of course, here you go.." I gave the paper towel to him as I scratched the back of my neck. Well, this is new..

Before it got any more weird which is really new because the moments that we had usually involved us just being comfortable with each other.. I spoke,

"So uh, I'll be looking for a part-time job today.."

"You know you don't really need to do that. You can always stay here with us."

He's always been so sweet, but I know its not okay to keep leeching off them..

"You know I can't do that.. and for all it's worth, I think this is a good opportunity for me."

And its true, I think I was ready to face what's to come next..

"Okay, but I'll come and help you. Okay?"

"Okay.. thank you.. for everything."

"Always here."

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