Smile for Me

2

"Good Morning," I sang out to Alaska as I saw her come out of our bedroom. The thin white t shirt she'd stolen from me made her look like an angel, but the pissy expression made me think maybe she was a demon today.

"What's good about it?" She said cutting eyes at me. She was in one of her moods that never really ended well for us. I'd laugh at her and then she'd get all defensive and then we'd fight, but after we fought we made up and I loved making up.

"Well you for starters. You and my massive murder plans. I'm thinking death and destruction, just like dear old dad said." I let out my loud laugh, but my thoughts went over my dead father, and the rage that typically surfaced when I thought of him. I kept on laughing so she didn't see the rage, because she already has her own demons.

"Ah lovely that I'm up there with murder to make a great day. Sadly though, we can't be criminals today. With the cops on high alert it'd be stupid." I could tell she wasn't feeling it today. The way that she tried to keep up with how quirky she usually is was a dead giveaway. She just sounded so bored and dull.

"What's the matter with you?" She shot me a glare at my possibly tactless word choice. I wasn't really one for skirting issues. Mainly because issues can turn into problems and as much as I love chaos, I don't like it between us.

"You seem off. You're my Queen and I don't like it when my Queen is in a mood." I rose my eyebrow at her and only received a huff in response.

"Really Alaska? This relationship only has room for one childish part and-"

"That's me," She said, cutting me off and sticking her tongue out.

"Did you really just do that?" I asked in annoyance. Sometimes she could get so infuriating with her childlike ways, but in the most endearing way possible.

"I did. What're ya gonna do about it Joker?" I knew what she was doing. She was taking the focus from her issue and redirecting it to my certain desires. Clever as she could be, I saw right through this plan.

"Later Alaska. We actually need to discus this." I folded my hands in front of me on the table that we'd sat at.

"What do you want to know Jerome? What could possibly interest you enough to warrant a serious discussion?" Her words were aimed to hurt me. I knew she didn't mean anything she said when she got into her moods, she just said the first thing that popped into her head.

"What are the mood swings? And that weird way you get around Potter? And mostly what's with the 'episodes'? That's all we call them, but you've never explained it." The need to understand her mind filled me. It was like satisfaction wouldn't come until she divulged the information and quenched the thirst I had. Whether the thirst was actually for information or it was because I hadn't shot anything in a week didn't really matter.

"It's nothing Jerome. Let it go." Alaska was never short with me. She's typically patient, but with her episodes it's like an entirely different person.

"Are you bipolar like Potter? Is that what it is?" I got excited at the thought that she was just as unstable as me. Having our insane little family raised by two unstable people in love would be the dream. We'd be able to go on murder sprees as a family and I'd be able to teach my little mini me's how to shoot a gun and use a knife...

"Gosh no Jerome. I'm not bipolar and please don't sound so happy at the idea. And what's that creepy smile you've got? It's different from your happy murder grin." She knew me so well. It's true I did have different smiles and she had memorized every one of them,

"Oh just thinking about wonderful thoughts. Don't get so bent out of shape my little state. Won't you just tell me what's twisting your mind?" I couldn't help the smile overtaking my face, I never could when I got to my 'special' thoughts as others called them.

"I just...Jerome I'm not sure." Her eyes took on a sad look and her voice adopted a timid approach. This was a part of her episodes. After the anger and outbursts it'd switch to varying degrees of sadness and she'd retreat into a shell of sorts. Some people say I don't really care about Alaska and others say that I can't understand her 'complex' emotions. However, I love her more than life itself and if I don't understand something about her I figure it out. That's more than most men can say.

"Just start speaking. The words will come out one way or another and we'll make sense of the jumbles of your mind." It was the same thing I thought every time I gave a speech. I'd just start saying whatever came to mind first and then people took it and ran.

"Well, I mean, you know my life story and all. The crappy mom and the murder suicide, et cetera et cetera," I nodded my head in acknowledgment, "and like I know you've seen, I mean you've seen the nervousness and my episodes."

"Of course Alaska. Where's this going?" I asked noticing her picking at her nails and skin, and the hair tie that was always around her wrist.

"Well, due to the trauma from my past it's left me severely depressed and anxious, but it's more than that. I'll have flash backs to that night with my parents. I'll see Potter with tears trying to hold it together as we saw it all. I'll see our mother killing our-killing our father due to the drugs and alcoholism and mental instability. And then I'll see you lying in a pool of blood as Theo Galavan pulls out the knife from your neck. I'll see Potter with a bullet whole smiling just like you." She took a shaky breath and I knew not to say a word, because she was far from finished.

"But the worst thing is that I can hardly even look at Potter anymore. Not because of the gunshot but because she's her. She's turned into the woman that ruined my life, the spitting image. From the booze to the mental stuff, even the looks. She's our mother and everything about her makes me anxious. I can't even be around my own twin because of that woman. I love Potter so much, but right now I'm just falling apart a little bit." There was nothing to say to her to that could help. I just let her hug me and that seemed to be enough. I'd never really known what love could do for a person until her and now I finally got the chance to show her.

"Don't leave me J. I think I'd fall apart a little." The utter helplessness in her voice stirred something deep inside me. Some sort of protective instinct that had been dormant.

"Don't you remember doll? I'm like a virus, but one of those that even if you can somehow get rid of it, will always come back. I won't leave unless you make me. And maybe not even then." I whispered into her ear and chuckled. The sound that always made her happy.

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