Smile for Me

3

"Where should I start? The perfect brother, the abusive mother or the sadistic uncle. I've told you bits of my story, but not the whole thing." Jerome looked up at me from his spot on the couch. After we'd finished our dinner in silence he'd pulled me over to the living room and told me he wanted me to know. He'd said that he wanted to tell me the whole story, but just as it had been with my story, he had no idea where to start.

"I want to know you." The small words that came from my mouth sounded weird. I did want to know him, but he didn't need me to say that at this moment.

"You already do. My past isn't who I am. Who I am is me, and right now this me is perfectly insane with you." He gave me a small smile, and Jerome didn't typically do the whole 'small smile'.

"Then just tell me your past so I can help you with your future." Apparently that was what he needed, because he began to confess everything.

"You know the basics. Perfect Jeremiah was mommy's favorite -back when he lived with us, and mother dearest wasn't a drunken whore. She'd beat me every night and Jeremiah never did anything. She hardly even touched him. Maybe once in a blue moon she'd give him a slap, but never what I'd get. She'd beat me until she was screaming from enjoyment, and I was screaming in pain. Every damn night. The only way to feel better was to inflict more pain on others. Small animals mostly, but there were a few instances where I lost it on my brother." He took in a breath, not shaky like one would expect, but full of strength. It was like his past was done hurting him and now just fueled his anger.

"Jerome-" he cut me off before I could finish.

"I'm not through quite yet." I nodded for him to continue. "You see my dear Alaska, it wasn't just Lila. My uncle, who I killed when I had that beautiful spree, was even worse. Lila would drink and screw and then beat me with whatever man had crawled his way to her, but uncle he was a sadist. He once burned my hand for trying to take a snickerdoodle. Imagine being a young child and snatching a cookie. Most adults would just scold the child, but Uncle Zach boiled my hand. I screamed, loudly but no one came to help. You can still see the scars actually." He held out his hand, which I latched onto and placed kisses to the faint burn marks.

"Zach took Jeremiah away when we were young due to my behavior. I was left alone after that. Alone to endure every drunken, rage-filled beating. The worst part is that Jeremiah never even apologized. I know I don't act like it but..." he trailed off and I knew what he couldn't say.

"But hearing those words would do something, wouldn't it? Hearing an apology, not some stupid half assed apology, but a real from the heart apology would help. It wouldn't change anything, but you'd feel better. If you heard it and knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that they were sincerely sorry, not because they want things to be better, but because they know that they screwed up and they are going to work the ass off to show you. It would help." He nodded his head at my words.

"How'd you know?" He looked into my eyes, searching for something that he wanted to know.

"What d'ya mean Jer?"

"How is you always know what I want to say even when I don't? In those rare moments when I can't speak, you know exactly what I need to get out."

"Maybe because I love you. I love you so much that sometimes it hurts. The way I love you scares me because I've never loved this way before. I've never chosen love before. With Potter, I love her because she's my twin, I couldn't not love her. With my father I loved him because it was natural. And as much as I hate it I loved my mother. As angry as I always got at her and as much as she hurt me, that childish part of me that craved a mother's love, loved her. Maybe that's what screwed me up." My confession gradually got quieter as I came to all the realizations, but Jerome was there to continue on for me.

"You know, I loved my brother once. I even loved my mother, I suppose, when I was a toddler and she didn't beat me like I was dough. But you, I don't just love you. What I feel for you is beyond what normal people can comprehend. It's insane how much I love you." He grinned at his pun before continuing, "When I first met you I didn't even think we'd end up here, but you stayed. Nobody has ever stayed, but you did. You don't care about the time at Arkham or every little illegal thing I've done. I see the way you worry. How you get when I'm home late and I've got blood everywhere. Nobody has ever worried about me before. That's why I put a ring on your finger. That's why you're mine. And that's why I'm yours." He finished his speech that left me speechless. All I could do was throw myself into his arms and shower him with kisses.

"And maybe it's okay if we're both screwed up. But Alaska, I know one thing." He stopped as he waited for me to meet his eyes, "Every time I laugh around you, it's genuine."

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