On the Ledge

Fear of the Unknown

FRIDAY 12:29, THIRD WEEK

He'd been feeling so numb for weeks now, his life was getting monotone with each day he spent waking up, going to school where he no longer felt at ease, training for the championship, eating and going back to sleep, repeating the same thing the next day for weeks. There were moments when he wondered what his life would be like if he were born into another family with parents who weren't so condescending but as soon as he caught himself thinking that way he felt ashamed. He shouldn't be ashamed of his parents, he should be ashamed of himself. He was the reason why they were acting that way, why his mother woke up with red puffy eyes, why Haley got herself into frequent fights with dad over Sam's sexuality. And his dad was right to be worried about his future. Even Sam himself didn't know what would become of him. He loved Brad but that love didn't define him. He felt so lonely and lost. Whenever he thought of his future, insecurity overwhelmed him. Would his parents ever accept him? Would Sophia ever forgive him for what he did? Would he ever have any real friends? Would he ever be truly happy again?

Today he slept till noon even though he went to bed at 10 pm. And even when he woke up he felt like sleeping some more. He wanted to get up and get dressed but he just didn't feel like it. In fact, he didn't feel like anything. He just wanted to close his eyes and sleep the day off. He layed back, staring at the ceiling. Slowly, tears started gathering in his eyes. Overwhelmed by deep emotions, tears started flowing down his cheeks. He was crying uncontrollably, his body trembled as he tried to hold in the sound of crying. He swiped at his eyes but more tears came anyway. His chest was aching in pain and he just wanted this whole thing to end. He heard someone knock on the door.

" Just a minute." he said, as he wiped his tears off. "Come in."

Haley entered the dark room, stopping in the middle of it, inspecting Sam with worry. "Sam, are you okay?" she raised the blinds to let some sunshine.

" Can you just leave me alone, please?" he said, sniffing. Haley narrowed her eyes in question.

" Sam, you know that I love you, right?" she said, sitting on the bed. "Nothing's ever gonna change that." she reminded him. Sam simply stared at her.

" It's all my fault." he said. Haley frowned.

" What do you mean?"

Sam shook his head. " Nothing." he turned to her. " I love you too, Haley."

She smiled. " Come here." she pulled him into a big hug. " My little brother!"