Save my soul [Imagine Dragons Fanfic]

What now?

Dan:

Lying would have been useless. Wayne can normally read me when I'm lying, I know that. So I had to tell them. At least that's the first reason why. The second is that I couldn't think of a lie in that moment. Platz being in the locker room all of the sudden and his questions, it was just overwhelming. I didn't know what to do. After all I've gone through...it was too much. I'm not able to stand it anymore! The abuse and the agelong fear were to much. Then it happened, I broke down and told them. I told them about the secret that I have been keeping for fourteen years now.

The room is filled with silence. I don't know what to say and so do they. My anxiety makes my whole body shake again and I'm not able to look them in their eyes. What will happen now? Will they laugh at me? Will they tell someone or just tell me that it's probably my fault and that I deserve it. Normally they wouldn't to that but...I don't know. Maybe they just acted like my friends to find out what my "big secret" is. Just to tell the kids in school. I swallow and shake my head to get these thoughts out of it.

"We need to do something!" Ben breaks the silence all of the sudden. His voice just sounded so loud that it made me flinch. "And what?" Wayne asks and scoots away a bit again, so do Ben and Platz. Ben shrugs his shoulders: "I don't know but we can't just stand here and watch him suffer. We could tell the headmaster." he suggests and I immediatly shake my head.

All of them have a worried look in their faces as they look at me. "Why not?" Platz asks and Wayne continues: "He could help you!" But I shake my head again. "He would call the police and they would arrest my dad and then they would send me to an orphanage and..." My voice breaks as I think of the orphanage. Horrible things happened there, I know that my father pulled the strings on it but I won't survive if I had to go there again. That's something I know for sure. No one asks for more details for which I'm really thankfull but Ben says: "You don't know to wich orphanage you'll come and I'm sure they're not as bad as everyone says. That's just a cliche,not more."

I shake my head again. "I've been at the orphanage and I can't go back there again, but I can't go somewhere else too. I don't have a clean record anymore and that's the only orphanage that would still take me. Otherwise I would have to live in Florida!" Now they seem to understand. "B-but how can an orphanage be worse than a abusing father?" Platz stutters sounding slightly confused. I think about a way to explain it without giving them to much information. "I can maintain the abuse from my father but I can't do that at the orphanag." I bite my tounge hoping they wouldn't press it.

But I don't have enough luck this time. "Dan," Wayne gently starts. "I know it's hard to talk about it but we want to help. But we can't do it if you don't tell us anything. You don't need to talk about the orphange okay? But can you maybe explain how you can influence the abuse at home?" I glance at him. I've told them so much already, how much more damage could they cause if I tell them more? If they even want to hurt me.

As if he could read my thoughts Platz states: "I know that you're thinking that you can't trust us. But please believe me when I say that you can. I don't know how to proof it but we are your friedns Dan. Not your enemies." Maybe he is right, but wouldn't every person that wants to harm me say the exact same thing? I close my eyes. No! I can trust them. They've shown me that.

I take a deep breath. "My father forces me to steal money and if I don't bring it to him then he punishes me!" One sentences that made everything clearer for them. One sentence that was one of the hardest to say. A sentence that maybe makes them understand. As I look in their eyes I can see that I'm right. "So you-you didn't even want to mug me?" Wayne asks. I shake my head. "I didn't have enough money and you were my last chance apart from stealing something from a shop or something." They're silent again. Did I say something wrong? I don't know. Or are they just thinking of a way to help me?

"As hard as it is," Platz breaks the silence. "The lesson is over in a few minutes so I guess we have to go if we don't want to meet the other guys. I nod and all of us stand up again. We grab our things and head out of the building in front of the school we stop again. "I..ahm...I have to go...otherwise.." I say but I can't end the sentence. Wayne puts his hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry we understand. Just watch out for youself okay?" I nod. "We'll think of how we can help you okay? Ben and Platz will come over to my place and we will find a way. Believe me!" I look at him, still unsure thanks to all these years of distrust and bullying.

We seperate our way and I hope that Wayne is right. Hopefully they can help me, because the abuse got so bad lately...I don't know if I can stand it anymore. Dad has been drinking more and he gets angrier even faster then before. That scares me because I can't say a word without doing something wrong. Wheter it's what I say or the way I say it. And that really drives with me. I've gotten so paranoid and anxious that I hardly talk anymore even though I have friends now. At least I think that I can call them friends. If not and the betray me...I guess that would be the end