Save my soul [Imagine Dragons Fanfic]

Panic attack

Dan:

Friday. I sigh. Today I should bring dad his money but I didn't get any chance to steal this week. The others know that I have to steal but I can't ask them for money, can I? They will think that I want it every week and then they maybe don't want to be friends anymore. I shake my head to get the thought out of my head.

I don't know what to do. Dad is angrier than normal, I guess the day of moms death is getting closer. He always drinks more and hits me because of every small mistake, no matter what I do. Yesterday I came home and he stood in the door waiting for me. In his hands he was holding a clock and he showed it to my while he told me that I was three minutes late. I tried to apologize but he beat me up anyway. I'm not quite sure but I think he broke my rib because I have slight trouble breathing and it hurts when I take a breath. And with every hit he took a small piece of my will to live. Why am I even alive, if I would be dead everything would be better! But then I remind myself of Ben, Platz and Wayne, I guess they're the only reason I'm still alive right now.

However, I'm sitting in the classroom which is slowly filling with people but neither Wayne, Platz nor Ben have arrived already. It's only five minutes until class starts and I start to get a little nervous. They are normally here by now. What if the changed their mind and don't want to help me anymore. I shouldn't have told them, why did I? They probably don't want to be friends with such a screwup like me. Someone who can't even solve his own problems. I close my eyes and try to ban these thoughts out of my head.

But it doesn't work and I can feel panic coming up. So I quickly open my eyes again. One minute until class starts and their still not here. I need to distract myself because I don't want to get a panic attack in class. I've had so many of them so far, most of them at home but I had some in school too. Normally I ran out of the class and to the toillets but people start talking about things like that. I don't want that kind of attention! People are making me nervous.

My thoughts don't help and as the bell rings my hands are shaking and I can feel sweat on my forhead. At first I had small troubles breathing but now it feels like I can't get any air into my lungs. The teacher enters the room and starts with the lesson but I can't concentrate. The panic attack claims my full attention. I try not to breave too loud so that I won't cause any attention because that would make everything worse!

Okay Dan, I try to calm myself down and use a technique that normally helps. First, five things you can see: students, the teacher, the sun, trees, the bag of the guy in front of me. Three things you can touch: my pen, my notebook, the table. Two things you can hear: the teacher and my breathing. And last something you can smell: sweaty students.

It works again. I take a deep breath in relief. The shaking of my hands slows down again and I can breathe more or less. Luckily the teacher is still talking so I can concentrate on her voice. It's been maybe ten minutes since the panic attack and everyone in class is working on a sheet the teacher gave us before. The whole class is silent when suddenly the speaker clicks and a voice says: "Dan Reynolds to the principals office please."

At first I'm not sure if I heard right but then everyone turns around and looks at me. Too much attention! I pack my things and take my bag. I hate the feeling of everyone staring at me as I head out of the classroom. As soon as I close the door behind me I lean my back against the wall. A minute of attention is enough to make my feet tremble. I need the wall because otherwise I would fall down. I close my eyes and do the same thing as before. This time it was an even smaller panic attack what I am happy for. After about two minutes I open my eyes again and walk towards the principals office.

During the walk I think why I am supposed to go there. Did I get caught stealing? No, I didn't steal this week so why should they wait that long? Has it something to do with Ben, Platz and Wayne? The thought scares me but I can't think of a different reason. My grades are good because I'm afraid to write bad marks. I don't cause much attention in class. So I can't think of why the principal wants me to go to his office.

Unless.... A thought flushes behind my eyes and makes me even smile a small smile. What if my father had a car accident and is badly injured or even dead? But where would I go then? My smile fades again. I would have to go to the orphanage. Even the thought of it makes me gulp. No matter why the principal wants to see me, it won't be something good!

As I reach the office I take a last deep breath I raise my hand to knock on the door and can see that it is slightly shaking again. But I try to ignore and knock. A moment later I can hear the answer: "Come in please!" I straighten my back and slowly open the door. I haven't been in this office yet and I have to say that it is pretty big. It has a large table with eight chairs around it. Seven of them are already taken. And as I look at the people I can feel my heart jump and my anxiety increase. "Close the door and sit down please. We just want to talk with you!" The principal orders friendly but firmly.