Three days later, my period came and of course they had everything prepare in the bathroom except for pills, I always need pills because I had an enormous cyst in my right ovarie, and the pain is excruciating.
"Angelica?" I called through the door.
"Princess" of course she's there.
"I have cramps, I need painkillers. The pain is horrible"
"I will bring you one right a..."
"No, please bring me a whole bottle, I'll need them every two hours" yes I did.
"But the Lord will be mad at me if he finds out"
"Then don't tell him, please Angelica" I beg her.
"Okay, but please princess don't try anything reckless, you'll get me in trouble"
"I promise, I just need the pain to go away" I heard her walked away and back here again. She pushed them through the hole Mateo made, and a water bottle. "Thanks Angelica" she left.
I wasn't going to stay here any longer, he just wanted to use me for his personal business but I wasn't going to let him. I took like twelve pills and lay down the covers.
When I thought I was ready to leave this world someone yelled "Open you goddamned eyes Lisa. Throw them up. Open you fucking eyes I said" when I did, I saw his face very close to mine, Angelica's worry face, and even Mateo's.
Then his finger went to the bottom of my throat and I throw the pills up. His face was so red, he was furious alright. "Why won't you let me die? Why are you so selfish as to take that too away from me?" I punched his chest with all I had.
"It's not that I don't want you to die, it's just that your job's not done yet. You do that and then you can die" he let go of me and left the room, Mateo followed him.
"I'm so sorry Angelica, I don't want yo feel this excruciating pain in my heart for being lonely. I want to go far away, mind, body and soul" I cried while hugging my knees.
"It's okay princess, I'm here for you" at the moment she said those words he shout "Angelica come down here this instant" and her face told me a million things. Was she scared? Terrified? Was he going to kill her? That last thought made me worry too, about her.
She left and locked me inside, and the thought of grandma and Analine being scared made throw up in the vase he brought for me to throw up the pills. And even throw up my organs, because I didn't have anything more to in my stomach.
For the past week, I've been behaving, but the more time I spend here, the more the knife stabs my heart. And my grandma's. I've eaten everything that comes throught the hole on my door, slept at night even though my nightmares are becoming worst and worst that made me scream bloody murder. I'm always alone when defending myseld from my nightmares, when I know there's always someone outside the door hearing my screams at night. I know he can't come inside or doesn't want to but it still hurts.
When I started to sing beauty and the beast, the man outside the door told me "Please princess, don't sing that song"
"Why? Don't you like it?"
"I do love it, it was my Goddaughter's favorite song but the Lord doesn't want to hear it again" his voice was breaking, I can hear sadness coming from it.
"The Lord's daughter?" I had to know.
"His sister" after that I heard him walking away. I feel like I don't want to hurt this man outside my door, as if I feel his pain.
I went to the dresses and find a notebook, so I write a poem 'We need to feel pain to know we're alive,
sometimes it's enough just looking up at the sky.
I want to feel love for the first time ever,
as they say a love that lasts forever.
I don't even know what is a kiss,
some of the people I love left with the breeze.
I don't want to feel alone,
I just want to go home.
If death is what will make me free,
so I will let it be'
When I finished writing the poem, I cried like I've never cried in my life.
I couldn't sleep that night, what the man outside my door said hunted me everytime I closed my eyes. Was this her bedroom? Was I making things hard for them? Was I evading her space? Using her stuff? Suddenly I feel a strong guilt and I want to change rooms.
