At Bella's birthday, we were having a good time, her presents made her so happy because grandma got her a barbie which she called Analine, mom got her a bike, Angelica got her make-up and I got her a ticket to Disney Land. Just after singing happy birthday Lo and Rick got there.
"Where's my princess?" Lo said. He and Bella had a beautiful relationship, they were like father and daughter, which made me happy.
"Lo!" She ran to him.
"How are you princess?" I never like when he call her princess, never.
"Lo, please" I said.
"Sorry"
"So, how is my liitle queen?" I laughed.
"Happy, I'm going to Disney Land!" Her happiness always got the best of me.
"Oh that's a very nice present"
"Mom got it for me" he looked at me and said "Very nice" and went to the living room with Bella.
Even though I've known Lo all my life, and is married and have a beautiful baby boy, he stole my attention. More than that.
5 years ago
We were at Analine's funeral, Lo was trying not to cry but it's his mom he can't help it. Rick was another story he was crying so hard, not even his friends couldn't comfort him. After the funeral was over, we went to Rick's and he and Lo were drinking. Then Lo threw the bottle to the fireplace.
"Okay, that's enough" I grabbed his arm, threw it across my shoulders, and walked like three steps before he let go of me, sitting again in the chair. "Please Lo, come with me" he looked me in the eye, but stood up, grabbed my hand and yank me upstairs.
"What?" He asked.
"What what?" I asked back.
"You said 'come with me' so what?"
"Nothing you needed to stop drinking that's all"
"That's all?"
"Yes"
"You don't have anything more to say or do?"
"No Lo, I just wanted you to stop drinking"
"Oh, so I cannot drink in my mother's funeral and because my fiancee's not here with me. Am I right?"
"You can drink, but you're so sad, mad not in control" I walked to the window.
"Lis, my mom just died, not being in control is just one step. Worst things are coming" what?
"What do you mean?" I turned around and he was standing right behind me, so close.
"Well one, I might turn into a drunk shit, two I might go to jail for fighting, three I might kill someone and go to jail, four I'm going to lose my job and and licence for being an alcoholic and five I might cheat on Renee" That is definitely worst.
"No, you listen to me. You won't do any of those things because if I have to take care of you, or... locked you up or even lie for you, I'll do it, because you are not like that. You're a good man, you don't do bad, you're always the good guy, responsible, caring, loving..." he kissed me. I panicked I didn't know what to do so I bit his lip, hard.
"Ouch! Whay the hell Lis?"
"I'm so sorry, I panicked"
"Yeah, I can see that"
"Let me see" damn I bit him really hard, I drew blood. "I'm sorry, I have an STD"
"What? Why?"
"I can't be so close to a man, that's why I panicked"
"Damn it Lis what the hell happened to you there? I'll never hurt you"
"I know Lo. I know"
"Please, tell me what happened" Can I tell him without feeling disgusted?
I told him most parts, Pablo's and Lucca's, not so explisit of course. About Lex's loving me but hurting me. About me killing my own brother. And about not wanting Bella for the whole pregnancy or even four months later when I found out who was her father.
"Damn, I don't know what to say Lis" Figured.
"No one can. I've been going to two different kinds of therapist for five years but nothing's working. So, if you feel like you'll do any of that because of alcohol, I'm already in prison for killing someone"
He hugged me, I'm getting used to his hugs, nothing more than that.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said any of that. I'm just so mad, at mom, at Renee and at myself because I was selfish by not accepting mom's decision earlier. I took that away from her even when there was nothing the doctor could do to save her, she was already in level four. Renne's with her mother in France and she preferred to be there instead of with me and I'm mad at her but I love her you know" Yes, I did.
"I trust you, so I need to see you looking at my body and tell me what you see" I undress and he was looking away. "Lo look at me" I commanded him. When he did he gasped, turned his hands into fists and looked down.
"Please cover yourself up Lis" I didn't.
"No, you're mad at her because she wasn't there, but who was with me when those monsters did this to me huh? Who was with me when I needed someone to save me from my own thoughts? Do you know what was the only thing I thought when I arrived there? 'God, please just let me die. Being alive hurts too much'. And who was with me when Bella needed a father? You. So forget about Renee being here, because someone is and it's me" this time I kissed him, and in that moment I didn't care about the problem I just wanted him to know that I was with him no matter what.
