The Hairy Porter and the Bed Chamber of Secrets

Scene 12 - Hard times

As Angus left the dress shop after two hours of shopping with Alice, Slabface greeted him fondly at the door.

"Where have you been boy? Probably could've used you earlier."

The dog looked sullenly and pointed with a paw to a couple of squirrels in the distance.

"Chasing squirrels aye, say no more," Angus said before turning, "now we got you a dress, I'll spose you'll be off."

Alice twirled in his pocket admiring her new red dress, before peering out at the darkening blanket of sky above.

"Erm Mr Angus, I think I'll stay with you till the next town. Hopefully it should be light by then. I don't want you getting lost without my help."

"Somehow I think I would've managed but cheers all the same. I guess I'd bes' find these instruments then," he said as he pulled out the wooden flute from his Ann Summers bag and put it to his lips.

 With his fingers in position, he began to play. The tattoos on his arms turned luminous white as he played a soft melody into the dusk that approached.  The sound hardened into a trail of visible white notes spirally around him, before stretching up into sky above. Within in minutes it retracted with something in its  grasp. Angus squinted to discover it was some sort of eagle which flapped desperately as the notes pulled it downwards by tugging at its legs until it was level with Angus.

The eagle looked at him with ire in its eyes, "For fucks sake dude. I was proper getting on this nice piece of tail and now you drag me down here for this shit."

"Err sorry man, didn't mean to piss on your parade, jus' looking for these instruments that the Enchantress told me to get."

"Shit people are looking for that junk. Fine I'll show where the first one is but next time don't ever summon me at night or you won't be looking for those instruments, it'll be your eye. A guy has to get his beak wet, if you know what I mean."

The eagle departed pulling the long string of notes behind him as he shot through the forest of trees up ahead. The string of notes detached from Angus and settled to the floor providing a trail for Angus and his group to follow.

Time passed quickly as the traversed through the dense forest, so much so that it wasn't long until a full moon was upon them.

Angus heard a deep wheezing noise followed by a loud snarl. He spun on his heel instinctively to face the danger head on, only to the see Slabface gritting his teeth in agony while his bones cracked and reset, until he was no longer resting on all fours, but just his two back legs. His skin inflated with muscle while fur moulted from his body in large clumps revealing a reddened skin underneath. Slabface's body contorted painfully as two large wings sprouted from his back. Slabface's chin widened and jutted forwards while his nose and mouth retracted resembling an almost an orc-like grin. Barely had his physical transformation completed before his body lost its colour and turned to a dark stone grey, his skin hardening in the process.

Angus walked up the creature he had known affectionately as Slabface and tapped his skin.

"It's just like cement. Alice do you know what just happened?"

"I haven't see one before, but I have heard about them Mr Angus. They are were-goyles, under the full moon they become ghastly and frightening statues like the one before us."

"Bugger, how long does it last? Cause it looks like we just lost our body guard."

"From what I have heard, it could be anything up to four days for him to return back to his normal form."

Angus stepped up and tried to lift Slabface from the ground but found he was heavier than the average McDonalds' customer.       

 "Shit, I won't be able to lift this, we'll have to come back for him later when we find some way to mobilise him. Sorry buddy," said Angus after he patted him a reassuringly. 

They returned their attention to the to the musical trail and continued forwards until Angus felt a presence. He stopped and turned around, scanning the trees surrounding him. He felt the sensation of eyes watching him as he stood at the centre of the woods.

"Come on you bastards, come out where I can see you," he demanded at them.

Surprisingly they obeyed and jumped out from the trees. It was what he was afraid of, his ambushers were mampires.  They surrounded him five-to-one and this time he didn't have his beloved flashlight or Slabface to protect him.

Angus felt his arms subconsciously grab the banjo by the neck and his fingers started to play a tune he'd learnt from the film 'Deliverance'.  His fingers blurred quicker than a gunslinger. A ball of lightning generated at the core of the instrument before striking all five mampires down at once.

"How does that taste that mother fuckers? Fuck me, that was awesome," he shouted in excitement at the power he held in his finger tips.

"Mr Angus?"

"What is it Alice?"

"I think they're getting up again."

"Shit," Angus said before playing the song again and letting the lightning strike them another time.

Once again they got back up and once again Angus played the song in retaliation. Each time he played the song, he felt his strength wane, as his muscles ached from attaining the high playing speed it wasn't usually accustomed too.

"Shit Alice, I'm not sure how long I can hold them back for. These guys got any weaknesses you know of?"

"Sorry, Mr Angus, I don't know and for some reason the trees are blocking the signal to my phone."

"I'm sorry Alice."

"What for?"

"This," he said as he threw Alice as high as he could up into the air before playing another set, "can you get signal now?"

"Mr Angus! You idiot I can't fly," she said  as fell back down.

"Whoops my bad," he said but deftly managed to catch her in time.

"Geez, I actually hate you for this, but you were right. It worked. I got signal, they are weak to one thing -Christian Rock."

"Of course, it all makes sense," he said as he slapped his palm against his head.

Angus took one deep breath and exhaled, "Right I think I have one more song left in me before my body gives up. Let's make it count."  

His flexed his hands and played 'Monster' by Skillet.

As circle of white glowing light formed at his fingertips as he played, expanding until it resembled a giant halo.  The 'halo' of light spun almost like a buzz saw in mid-air before cutting thorough each mampire, separating their torsos from the rest of their bodies.

Angus stood frozen for a while and until he realised they weren't getting up back up again.

"Thank fuck for that," he said before collapsing face-first into the ground from overexertion.