Scrutinize

osem

If you really want to do something, you will find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse. -Jim Rohn

My father died last night.

My mother is shattered beyond repair.

My sister won't stop crying her eyes out.

My other sister won't talk nor cry.

He is wavering right beside me right now, and on the other side of him is my grandfather.

He practically screamed when he saw us in front of him - except, we're whats, remember? We can't scream. We talked for a little while before going and visiting my mother, Jane, and Eleanor. He wanted to hold them and cry with them, even though he was the one who died.

I introduced him to God today. They hit it off quite well. He liked how my father was defending good people and died serving and protecting America. He dismissed me so he could talk to my father alone, so I went back to my tree. 

I was quite surprised to see Eleanor there. She was leaning up against it and talking to herself, as if I could hear her. I could.

"Hey, big brother. Is Dad with you? Jane won't quit crying her eyes out, and Mum is about to break, too, so I left before we were all a sobbing mess.

"I miss you. How are you? Are you okay? I wish you were here, Bubba. I miss you so much, and Mum and Jane and I could use you more than ever. I wish you were still here with us. Maybe the bullying would have stopped. Maybe you would have stood up to them. Maybe Zane wouldn't be bullied anymore. I don't know. I just wish you were here.

"I hope you're listening. I figured the best place to talk to you would be here. I hope I'm right. I hope you can hear me. I don't know where we go once we die, but I hope that I can still talk to you.

"Walt asked me out on a date yesterday before we found out about Dad being shot. I said yes. He's taking me to McDonald's." She giggles slightly, and wipes away a few tears. "That sounds like a date you would make. 

"I think I better go. I hope you heard this. I love you. I miss you. Bye, brother."

I did hear, Ellie. I did, I promise. 

I just wish I could've told her that. 

Oh, and were the police right?

Yes. I drove the car off the road on purpose. I ended my own life.