haunted. (c.h au)

one

i think i've been laying here for the past three hours. his arms occasionally shift around me and his breathing remains the same. is he asleep? i wonder. i look up as much as i can and he looks so beautiful. i nuzzled my head softly into his chest. he shifted again and sighed. "i think we've been like this for like.." he checked the clock. "..three hours." he finished. i nodded. "do you want to get up?" he asked. "no." i mumbled. "but-" "shhh" i put my hand on his face. he licked my finger which caused me to retreat it fast. "we'll stay here, then." he spoke finally. "do you want to get up? i mean, we can if you-" "i don't, i like being with you. i like cuddles and you give me cuddles. luke is too lanky anyway. you're small and you fit." he mumbles, sleep hinted in his voice. "mm." i responded. i shifted uncomfortably and he opened his arms so i could get comfortable. "better?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around me. "yeah." i said. i sighed. "oh oh, i know what they're called." i thought at loud. "hm?" he said. "i was thinking about the way you hug. it's like.. a bear hug. you give bear hugs." i said. he laughed in my neck. "what's so funny?" i asked, embarrassed. "you're cute." he said. "not really." i giggled. "you're very cute." he said, kissing my neck softly. "thank you, but you're cuter." i mumbled, closing my eyes. "i love you." he whispered. i opened my eyes and smiled. "i love you too." i leaned up and kissed him. little did i know that was going to be the last time i'd kiss him.

the next morning, he was driving and some drunk fuck nailed into the side of his car. he died on impact. at least he didn't go through so much pain, they told me. i didn't listen. all i could think about was how am i suppose to live without him. when i got home from my mother's house because "i couldn't be alone right now", my head spun.

i can't believe nearly 24 hours ago i was sleeping in his arms. my head spun and i couldn't breathe. his smell was everywhere. it was 10:48, the green numbers glowing on the stove. the drunk drivers face flashed in my head. he looked sad, handcuffed in the office. he tried to apologize to me, telling me how his wife was leaving him. i punched him in the face, yelling that i'll never be able to see my boyfriend ever again. the cops grabbed my arms, pulling me back.

i was crying harder, the man got up, blood mixing with his tears, and he said "i am trully sorry". "fuck you! because of you my boyfriend is dead! he's dead! he's fucking dead!" i screamed. i wiggled out the grasp of the cops and stood in front of the sick fuck. "i know." he whispered. "i am ashamed of my sins!" he yelled. i looked at him dead in the eye and whispered "rot in hell you sick bastard." and i passed out. i guess my mom took me home.

i laid on his side of the bed this time, drowning in my own tears. "calum. i'm sorry." i mumbled. i can see his face so clearly, feel his lips, hear his laugh. i need him. i sobbed loudly in his pillow, my ears ringing. i cannot see, my whole body shook and my breath was caught in my chest. every fucking day from now on is going to be hell on earth, i thought, tears flowing. no, i cannot just cry. i need to be happy over his life. how happy he was.

i sat up and tried to stop crying, but his face was everywhere. in my head, on the walls. his voice echoed through the whole house. i need someone. i got my phone and my lock screen was me and calum. i was laughing and he was licking my cheek. i giggle slightly and unlocked it. i saw his name in my favorites in my contacts. i heisted, than called his number. straight the voice mail.

"hii, it's calum and i guess i didn't answer. so sorry. but say why you called and if you sound cool, MAYBE i'll call back. and- babe, what are you.? are you wearing my shirt?! don't you- sorry i have to go. my girlfriend's being an idiot. (hey!) you are, i'm not lying! okay byee!"

i threw my phone on the bed and cried until it made me feel sick. i heard my phone go off and i saw it was luke calling. he's crying, i know. maybe i should answer.

so i did.

"luke?" i said. my voice sounds like shit. "hey. u-um i'm sorr-" he choked, and his sobs sounded muffled. i started crying again. "luke, i'm sorry. i-i know he was your best friend.. i'm so sorry.. i should've done something. i should offered to drive him, i don't know." i said. i held my mouth, trying to hold back from crying. "you didn't know this would happen." he said. "i know.. i feel like it's my fault." i said. "how?" he asked. "i don't know." i responded. there was a pause.

"i saw the guy who killed him today." i said finally. "what?" he said. "i punched him in the face and told him to rot in hell. he tried to say sorry." i said. "fuck him." luke said. "i hate him." i mumbled. "look, i have to go. ashton and michael are crying their eyes right now. okay? i'll call you in the- no, we'll come there tomorrow morning so we can all cuddle and watch movies. how does that sound?" he said. i thought about calum's arms around me when we cuddled. i smiled. "sounds good. i love you, luke. thank you." i said. "love you too. bye." he hung up, leaving me alone. i wrapped myself in the covers, and i could feel as calum surrounded me. "love you calum. good night." i said, closing my eyes. i found it hard to sleep while all i saw was calum's body being pulled from his wreaked car, police telling me to not look. but i didn't listen. i looked.