haunted. (c.h au)

two

when i woke up, my eyes were puffy and i couldn't move. my muscles were weak so i stayed in bed.  i turned to see the empty side. where's cal- reality hit me. he's gone. he's never coming back. no more movie marathons with him. no more bear hugs. no more kisses. no calum. he's dead.

i was scared. what am i suppose to do? i've never been through this before. my heart felt like this was stabbed. "calum, what am suppose to do?" i whispered, placing my palms on my temples. my head pounded. 

the doorbell rang, which caused me to scream. "shit." i whispered, holding my heart which was beating so fast. i got up and opened the door. "hey." i said. the boys looked like shit. their hair was messy and their eyes were blood shot. michael looked at his feet, sniffling. luke smiled weakly and ashton ran into my arms. "ash-" i started but i stopped and wrapped my arms around the shaking boy. he sobbed into my shoulder. "come in." i told the other boys, as they moved around ashton. "i'm sorry." ash whispered. "i'm sorry, too." i said, rubbing his back softly. he let go, and we walked to the living room where the two others were.

michael was wrapped in a blanket and luke was setting up a movie on netflix. ashton sat beside michael and went under the blankets. i could see calum sit on the end, patting the spot beside him, motioning me to sit beside him. i blinked and he was gone. my headache worsened. i walked to the kitchen and leaned on the counter. i put my face in my hands and sighed.

"hey, you okay?" luke stood beside me and nudged my shoulder. i wondered if i should if i should tell him i can see and feel calum around me. "no." i said. "i know." he whispered. i grabbed ibuprofen from the drawer beside me and grabbed three. "that's alot. is it your head?" he asked. i nodded and took them dry. "ew. okay, i'm going to grab snacks." he said, walking to the fridge. i winced. my headache was making me sick.

we walked back into the living room with arms full of food. "finally." michael said. he grabbed a bag of chips and went back into his blanket burrito. i sat on the end and closed my eyes. "we're watching tarzan." luke said, sitting beside ashton. they mumbled throughout the movie and i was focused my how bad this fucking headache was. they must have thought i was asleep because michael said, "do you think she's putting up with it well?"

"better than i thought." ashton noted. did they want me to kill someone over his death? "she told me she told the drunk driver to go to hell and punched him in the face." luke said. i remembered the blood running from his lip and nose. "damn." michael said. and that was all they said. and i must have falled asleep because when i opened my eyes i was in my room. i sat up and was glad that my headache surpassed. 

"good, you're up." i jumped at the voice, but turned and saw it was michael sitting on my desk. "michael, what the fu-" "i'm on watch duty." he interrupted. i blinked. "for what?" i said. "to make sure you don't do something stupid." he replied, crossing his arms. "like?" i asked. he sighed. "we're worried. that this whole thing, will trigger something." he said, trailing off. "what do you mean, "trigger something"?" i asked. i am asking so much questions. michael stood up and sat beside me on the bed. "luke told me. before you met cal, you- you hurt yourself." he said. i felt my blood run cold. he promised he'd never tell.

"but when you met calum-" my heart fell at his name. "-he made you feel special, didn't he? he always told me how beautiful you were." he said. i curled toes to try to hold back tears. he thought i was beautiful. i smiled. "but now that he's gone.." michael started crying. i hugged him. "i-i'm sorry." he mumbled. i didn't say anything. luke promised. "are ashton and luke still here?" i asked. he nodded. he let go and wiped his nose. "tell luke to come here." i said. michael looked confused. "please. i need to talk to him." i added. he got up and left.

"hey." luke walked in and closed the door. "why did you tell them?!" i said, angry. "wha- oh. please understand. i had to." he said. "you fucking promised!" i screamed. luke looked at his feet. "i know." he said. "you are my best friend, luke! i trust- i trusted you." i said, the hurt in my heart stung. luke looked at me and sighed. "i'm sorry." he said, his voice creaking. "i don't care! you broke my trust! i thought you-"

"forgive him. he's your best friend." calum whispered in my ear. i froze. "forgive him. he is all you have left. if you let him go, you will only have me, and that's creepy considering i'm only in your head. please." he said.

i felt so gulity. he's right. all i have left is him and the boys. they understand my pain right now. if i lost them, i'd be lost myself.

"luke, i'm sorry." i ran up and hugged him. i started crying in his shoulder, calum's voice ringing in my ear. "i'm sorry, i shouldn't have-" "it's okay, i overreacted." i said before he could finish. "okay." he said. i didn't want to let go of him. he is all you have left, the words swam around my head. i opened my eyes and saw calum leaning on the door smiling, and giving me a thumbs up. i had to look away. but i looked at him anyway, no matter how much it hurt me.