haunted. (c.h au)

four

it's been a week since the crash. and nothing has changed. we still walk around the house like zombies, occasionally talking to each other. me and luke sat on the ground in the hallway, coffee in hand and say nothing. there is nothing to say. we enjoy each others company. that's all.

"c'mon." luke stands up and extends an arm. i take it and he pulls me up. i stumble a bit forward and he catches me in his chest. our noses touch and our lips are a half inch apart. i should pull back, but i don't.

pull back, pull back, pull back.

i step back and luke rubs the back of his neck. "um.. let's get something to eat." he walks away, leaving me alone. i sighed. maybe i should have kissed him.

what am i thinking? he's my friend and only my friend. but i feel like i'm lying. 

calum was down the hall, watching the whole thing. "calum, i-" i started but remembered, it's only in your head. but he looks so real.

i shook my head and walking to the living room. the boys were whispering to each other in huddle. "hey, um, we were thinking." michael said. "that's a first." i joked. ashton giggled and michael rolled his eyes. "what if we stayed here? you know- to keep you company." luke finished. i blinked. "we only have two guest rooms." i said. "i mean, one can sleep on the couch, but it's really un-" "luke can sleep with you. he'd loooove that." michael turned to luke. luke blushed. "michael!" ashton piped up, slapping michael's shoulder. "what? just telling the truth." he shrugged.

is it too early? i still wake up at 3 am, crying for calum. no, luke will make everything better.

///

i agreed with a smile and a "why not?".

night came fast, another dinner wasted because no one ate. we talked this time. we talked about what color hair michael should do next, because his roots were bad. ashton was talking more, thank god. i was worried.

me and luke said good night to the other boys, as they walking into their rooms. "which side is mine?" he asked. i pointed to the left, which was my old side. i took over calum's. it now smelled of him and sleepless nights. luke nodded and crawled under the covers. i laid beside him and we stared at the ceiling. "do you remember in school when we would sneak out of class and make out?" he said. "yes, oh my god. the janitor's closet smelled like shit." i laughed. he laughed as well. "we had a weird friendship back then, until we decided to have a "normal" friendship." he said. i smiled. "i remember i told you i wanted us to have a normal friendship because of.." i trailed off. he turned to face me. "..what happened." i finished. i faced him. "well, just so you know?" he closed his eyes. "i don't regret what happened." he said.

we were studing for EOCs. my mom was gone, because she trusted luke enough to have him over with her not being there. "michael lost his virginity yesterday." he said suddenly. "michael? your friend?" i asked. i didn't know him yet. "yeah. he said 'it was the best thing ever, hands down'." luke said. i laughed. ten minutes passed. "hey, i understand if you don't want to- but i brought drinks." he pulled out a pack of beer. i hesited. "nah, but you can have some." i said, turning back to the paper.

he drink four beers in no time. his head was on my shoulder. "drink the rest." he breathed on my cheek, the smell so horrid i gagged. "dude, no you smell like shit." i laughed. "i dare you." he said. i shook my head. "c'mon, don't be a pussy. drink it." he snickered. i gave in. i guzzled the rest. i felt dizzy.

"luke, why do i listen to you?" i asked. my head spun. "i dunno!" he said laughing. his hair was messy and he looked so beautiful, i remember. "hey, can we make out?" i asked, the words escaping without thinking. god, i sound so awkward, i thought. luke smirked and faced me. "thought you'd never ask." he said. it started off calm, then it kind of got out of hand.

all in all, i took luke's purity, and he took mine. it was also the first time he told me he loved me first.

and i feel extremly gulity about it, because i never told calum, so he thought he was my first.

"i don't either." i admited. luke opened his eyes and smiled. "was i good?" he asked. i laughed and he started laughing too. for once, i felt like everything is going to be okay.

///

when i woke up, luke was gone and the smell of bacon was in the air. it reminded me when i was sick, calum made me breakfest and told me "i'll always take care of you."

i stood up and grabbed the notebook off of the desk and sat down on the bed.

dear calum,

the boys are making me happy. they moved in. luke is sleeping in my bed with me. i promise we aren't fucking or doing anything. it's too early for that. i still love you like you never left.

i miss you. a lot. i'm trying so hard not to see you in every cup of coffee and hear you in every song. i'm trying to be okay. but it's so hard. it's hard because you were my happiness. i need you.

your funeral is in a week. i'm going. you told me you wanted me to play blink 182 and serve alcohol if anything happened to you. i assured you nothing would happen as long as i'm there.

now i feel really gulity because i wasn't there when you died. nothing would have happened.

i love you, calum. i miss you.

"breakfast is done." ashton popped his head through the door. i wiped my eyes and gave him a weak smile. "okay." i said. he closed the door and i put the notebook back on the desk. i walked out and went into the kitchen. "good, you're here." luke turned and gave me a smile. he was wearing the apron i gave calum as a "gift" because he complained about how messy cooking with me was.

i sat down and michael was already digging in the bacon. ashton was watching him in disgust. i put my head in my hands and sighed. "something wrong?" luke asked, sitting beside ash. i shook my head.

nothing was wrong. for once, nothing was wrong.