No Time To Heal [BTS J.Jk]

XI

Step after step. Slowly and carefully. Not too fast and not too hectic.

Jungkook steadily neared the living area, where he could already hear his hyungs laughing and goofing around.

Having fun without him even though he was right next to them, fighting his inner demons.

Me? A demon? Look again.

He shook his head and slowly entered the living area.

In normal situations and more like in books filled with clichés, you would expect everything and everyone to go silent as soon as the protagonist enters the scene.

But this wasn't a normal situation or a book. This was reality. No one really cared that he arrived. No one really noticed. It's just like in high school when you would go up to your friends while they are in a conversation and don't even bother to greet you or acknowledge your presence and existence.

Just like that.

Only that this was his second family, sitting in their living room.

Jungkook silently and carefully sat down on the farthest seat, not wanting to disturb his hyungs. But he couldn't stop himself from wincing due to the sudden pain in his lower back and head.

I really should get this checked out by a doctor...

Ignoring the pain in his back and head, he noticed that his other bruises were starting to heal up nicely. A little bit slow, but at least they were healing and slowly fading. Though, that couldn't be said about his mental bruises, which he hasn't noticed yet.

Rather than healing, they were just expanding their range of damage.

„-ook."

„-kook."

„Jungkook!"

Once again, he was brought back to reality by his hyungs calls. Blinking rapidly, he only noticed now that everyone was staring at him.

„Hey bud, you alright there?" Jungkook looked to his right, where Hobi stood with a worried gaze and a frown on his shiny face.

The younger just nodded very slowly and murmured something like „Yeah... yeah, I'm fine." He cursed himself for sounding more insecure and hesitant than he actually intended to sound like.

„Are you done daydreaming?"

Daydreaming? Is that what I'm doing?

The maknae just nodded silently without saying a word while the others laugh about Hoseok's own pun. Daydream - daydreaming.

But Jungkook? He looked tense. Hands clasped together tightly and head held low.

I'm only daydreaming, ain't I? Am I just hallucinating everything? The voice isn't real... everything is just my imagination...

He felt lighter. Thinking these thoughts lifted some of his burdens from his shoulders. But little did he know, these burdens would come crashing down on him once again.

If I am just part of your imagination, then you're either sick, mental, or seriously going crazy. Oh wait, one of those is right.

With only the last sentence, it got harder to breathe. Jungkooks eyes widened slightly and he began to shake. Not too hard, but still noticeable by his hyungs.

They looked at each other in confusion and slight worry, not knowing what to do until Jimin decided to take action.

Our little mochi stood up and sat down next to his dongsaeng; all eyes were in them now.

The shorter one put his arm around the younger's shoulder, slowly and carefully so he wouldn't startle the other.

But that was enough to bring Jungkook back from whatever dark place his mind decided to wander to.

Jimin looked intensely into his Jungkookies eyes, „You ok? Is something wrong? You've been acting rather strangely."

The maknae looked around and saw his other hyungs in the eyes. Just like Jimin, the others had worry written all over their faces, and all of them nodded as if saying that they wanted to say the same thing Jimin said.

His heart started beating a slight bit faster by the thought of being able to tell them. To tell them everything that has been bothering him. To tell them everything about the demon inside of him. To just tell them something.

I can tell them... I really want to tell them. They asked me. After all these years I-

Did you really think you could tell them?

A frown started to form on his beautiful face.

Do I have to remind you why you've been hiding? YOU, my dear, are the Golden Maknae.

And that's when Jungkook remembered why he has been going through everything.

Everyone thinks he was golden. They think that he could do everything and anything.

That's why. That's why he never told anyone. He didn't and still doesn't want anyone to think he couldn't do something. He wouldn't live up to his title. He would be a disappointment.

That's right; all your hard work of keeping your title would be going to waste.

What to do now. What was the right decision? Jungkook didn't know. He would never know.

He clasped his hands tighter than he did before. Sweat ran down his temple. But this time, no one noticed.

What is more important? Making your hyungs worry about you, or making them proud?

He gave in. That was the moment he gave in to whatever the voice said for the first time. But this would not be the last time.

With his mind made up, he shook his head and stared back into Jimin's eyes. „No, what should be wrong? Everything's fine. Shouldn't we be starting the meeting?"

Only very hesitantly, the others went back to discussing the actual reason for this meeting: The BBMAs. But Jungkook couldn't concentrate on anything they were saying. Not a single word his hyungs said would stay in his head.

His mind was blank. He was looking into space and every breath he took felt heavier by the second. The weight that was lifted from his shoulder just minutes ago already got replaced by an even heavier weight.

And whose fault was it?

The voices? No.

It was his and only his fault.

_______________________

After what felt like an eternity, I finally updated.

And I graduated only to go to another school after summer holidays.... great. No joke, German school systems are weird af.

And Wattpad is also being weird...

The ranks are also very very weird.

Suicideattempt at #7? How is that even possible? Like, that part hasn't even started yet!

But I can now happily (not) announce, that the dark part of the story is slowly approaching!

The plot is moving! Lmao, and here I thought I got stuck with the plot...

Welp, that was everything for now... I think? I'm very forgetful nowadays but whatever.

I'll go on and keep writing, playing Osu!, and reading. Those are addictions I don't mind having. But one I do mind having is that I'm addicted to eating ice. Like ice cubes, not ice cream, ice cubes.

Are you guys addicted to anything?

That's it.

Till next chapter!

Love, Ahlpa ♥