Deadly Beautiful (SuperCorp Medieval AU)

Part 33

  the one where Lena is a little grumpy and Kara makes a speech  

     Kara was concerned. Lena had been jumping from sullen and angry to sweet and kind on a dime lately. She was not sure of how to handle the mood swings and the uncertainty left her on edge. Kara wanted to help more than anything, but Lena did not seem open. In fact, she seemed particularly angry with Kara for some reason. Lena could be standoffish and cool for a long period of time and Kara was totally exasperated.

"If my super clever plan was so terrible, what would you suggest we do better?" Kara growled at her after a series of barbs and passive-aggressive comments.

"Maybe let me in on the plans next time?! Maybe just kill the bastards instead of letting them carry on their merry way?" Lena scoffed, her voice rising in pitch.

"We need your reaction to be genuine, Lena." Kara said in a nearly patronizing soothing tone. "I will not kill more people just because they are an inconvenience to you. Just because I have killed in the past... I do not consider myself to be a killer."

Her eyes are downcast and at that, even Winn slows nearly to a stop. Kara's voice had gone cold and distant. The former gladiator had stopped in her tracks and was staring absently down at her own hands. It was as though she had never seen her own fingers before that moment.

"There has been no lack of blood on my hands. My family all died, and yet I live. The simple fact of my identity has led Alex to give up her life to the pursuit of my return to the throne that was rightfully mine. When I sold myself into the gladiator life it was in the hopes of paying Alex's debts and repaying the Danvers family for supporting me.

I can only hope I was somewhat successful. I took lives, but every fight I fought was fair and honest. I carry no guilt in regards to my kills there. My conscience is clear in that regard, though I will carry those memories with me always." Kara spoke simply and for the first time, Lena was able to detect a hint of an accent she was clearly too emotional to cover up. It was distinctly Kryptonian. Her voice was cold and distant, but the princess was no longer sure she would want to hear the underlying emotion there. Lena's heart broke for the pain Kara carried in her soul.

"You are in no way to blame for your parents' deaths and are now only responsible for carrying on their memories. Alex Danvers makes her own choices and is responsible for her own actions as well, no matter the revelations of your identity." Lena argued, grabbing both of Kara's hands in her own tightly, to the point it hurt a bit.

"I know that in my mind, but my heart has trouble believing." Kara says softly and visibly shakes off whatever fog had overtaken her mind. She forces a smile and leans into Winn as he returns to her side. However, her eyes never leave Lena. "I just know these are not the hands of that the little girl who fled Krypton."

Winn loved Kara, he really did but despised the emotional speeches he knew were imminent. He muttered something about setting up camp and fled as fast as he could. Neither of the women acknowledged him or even appeared to take notice of his departure.

"Kara, I love your hands." Lena said as she turned them palm up on top of her own. "These are the hands that protected me, were painstakingly gentle when you would take care of me, and I know you would sacrifice almost anything in a heartbeat before hurting me."

Kara swallowed hard as Lena spoke, blinking away tears hurriedly. She could not come up with an argument. Lena seemed at a loss for words as well, clearly warring internally with herself.

"I wouldn't trade your hands for anything." she seemed to decide upon finally and stepped into Kara's arms, winding her own about Kara's waist.

"Yours either, Lena." Kara replied softly. There was not anything left for her to say either, except the certain set of words she had been holding back for a long time now. They were thick and heavy on her tongue, warring with her at every step and turn. Lena fought a similar battle until they finally parted to help make camp.

When the three rolled out blankets as night fell, Lena reached for Kara's hand before either of them fell asleep. She kissed Kara's palm almost reverently, callouses rough against Lena's soft lips. The blonde was careful to memorize the moment. Times like this she would reflect on to get her through every future trial.