Me : dad whose your favorite kid?
Dad : what do you mean?
Me : like out of all three of us which one do you like the most?
Dad : I don't have a favorite.. I dislike every single one of you the same amount in your own special way
Me : that's the nicest thing you have ever said to me
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Mom : I JUST FOUND YOUR PORN COLLECTION! I AM NOT HAPPY!!! YOUR IN BIG TROUBLE!
Me : I'm so sorry mami I was going to throw it away
Mom : oh no sweetie that was meant for you father
Me : oh thank god
Mom : WAIT YOU HAVE PORN TO! BOTH OF YALL ARE IN MAJOR TROUBLE!!!!!
Me : oh shit
