Sunshine // 햇빛 // Yoongi x Hoseok

i. tears // 눈물

[hoseok's pov; present]

a usual feeling came back. it had to come back right when i thought my life was stepping up from a pit of darkness. this taste of tears is not one that i've ever felt before. it isn't just salty bitterness that would hurt my head later on. this one is unfamiliar. it feels like my heart is being shredded to pieces that are burning like a forest fire. the pieces that were already scattered before but were fused together by a force that i was blessed with are falling apart again.

again. a damned word, which has always slipped through my whispers ever since i was a child. ever since i saw how the monsters under my bed aren't as scary as the demons in my mind. ever since i saw how greenish paper is valued more than a living being. ever since the first time i truly understood how prettily disgusting blood can be... ever since those times, my world has been falling apart time and time again.

this gray sky, again. this cold breeze, again. my dangling legs off of this ledge, again.

but you know what isn't repeating itself again? crying with a genuine smile on my face. genuineness is something i had faked yet never felt for years. something i thought existed only in fiction until half a year ago, when the embodiment of it graced my life. something that i can only reminisce about now; soft hands, a pale complexion and a pure smile.

"thank you, yoongi" i whispered under my breath, clutching hundreds of little papers in my shaking hand with a faint smile on my face. "i'm coming to you...".

[hoseok's pov; 6 months ago; friday]

"hoseokie, want some water?" a soft voice asked from behind me. "you're up in a couple of minutes."

"thanks, but i'm settled" i answered quickly, shooting a quick smile to the suited man awaiting my answer, and checked my script. the fact that i was called 'hoseokie' by him again was super weird to me, but i always let it slide. he's my boss anyways. "i've got everything i need here in this dressing room so yeah, i'm fine, mr. seokjin".

"i told you already, you can skip the mr. and just call me seokjin. we're not strangers after all, hoseokie" he said with a smile, making me forcefully nod and flash another smile back at him. "and i feel like this room is a bit small for you, so after you're done shooting, come to my office and we'll talk about how we could change that".

"thank you, but i'm fine with how it is right now! no need to waste money on me, sir" i said, realizing that i called him respectively again. "i'm sorry, i just can't call you just by your name..." i sighed. "it seems off to me that way" i added, scratching my head.

"it's ok. you'll get used to it eventually. and money is never a waste when it's for you-" mr. seokjin said, stopping for a moment. "b-because you're a talented and hard-working man" he gulped and added, "you deserve it..".

all i do is blink in silence, bamboozled. the silence is getting pretty loud in its awkwardness.

what do i say? is it good that i'm silent?

"a-anyways, good luck with the shooting and see you on tuesday!" my boss blurts out, turning away.

phew.

"thank you but why tuesday? aren't the writing meetings on monday?" i asked, confused, bowing slightly.

"oh, i moved the schedule" my boss answered. "it's because someone-- s-some employees preferred tuesday over monday, so i changed it" he stuttered.

"oh, thank you, sir" i said with a small smile, looking back at my papers until it clicked in my head that i was late to the writing meetings for the passed 2 months, every monday because of my doctor appointments. "i guess mondays are inconvenient to other people here, too" i thought to myself, turning another page of the script in my hand.