How To Survive The Creepypastas

Offenderman

You: *watching TV being a lazy ass*
Offenderman: *suddenly appears in front of you* Hello~.
You: FUCK- *falls off the couch*
Offender: Oh dear, I'm so sorry. Let me help you up~.
You: Listen buddy, I don't trust anyone who says "dear" that isn't human.
Offender: What a stubborn human you are, huh darling?
You: Jesus Christ go away please I'm in the middle of SVU.
Offender: Isn't that about rape?
You: Ye
Offender: Well that's a good way to describe what fun we're gonna have~.
You: FUCK THIS *zooms out the window*
Offender: I shouldn't say that until I've actually got them cornered...