Shresus

The Divorce

It was a normal day in Shrek's swamp. Shrek woke up to saliva all down his green ogre face. He turned on his side only to see fiona wasn't there. Neither was her stuff, or the kids. He sighed and got up. He stretched his long, muscular green arms before standing up on his wooden floor.

He walked around his house to find a note on the door stating:

'Sup Shrek. So, I'm getting a divorce. I went to go and live with donkey lol. Also took the kids with me. Lol donkey is much more attractive than you. It's a shame, but we ate his ex so it's all good. His babies were delicious! Anyways bye lol'.

Shrek was heartbroken. The love of his life was gone and ate some dragon meat with his best friend. Poor Shrek. 

Shrek became depressed. He started to eat his own piss mixed with his earwax in a lovely soup. You can tell his world became dark, because he never opened the curtains or turned on his fire. Smash mouth had failed to play his song, so his world was quiet. Ever since Fiona left, Shrek's world went dark and silent. As for the kids, Shrek abused them so he couldn't care less. They would only grow into angsty teens anyways. Shrek never left his swamp, for his swamp had the only remaining life left in him; some earwax and some shit up his ass.

Shrek became lonely. So lonely. He had nothing to do anymore. When he woke up, tears drowned his eyes. When he was awake, tears flooded his face. When he ate, tears went on his plate. When he slept, his dreams were filled with tears. Shrek was so alone, he started to dream and think he was in a vast ocean, so his tears looked smaller than they were. 

Shrek got up one morning, to find his window was gone. He looked out of it, to see a human being, floating in the sky. Light shun around him and directly into Shrek's eyes. Stars formed in his dark and black pupils. He had found love. Love in this bearded man. He loved his ivory robes, his silky beard, his shiny blue eyes. This man was perfect, but was his penis perfect? Oh how Shrek could wonder.