Shresus

When the fanfic actually goes somewhere

Today was the day. Shrek got dressed into his newly bought tuxedo and proceeded out of his swamp for the first time in years. He had a surprise in the inside pocket of his blazer. Oh how he yearned for this day, ever since he first saw Jesus. It was today, and only today, that this could happen.

"Jesus, my sweet Jesus, come down from the heavens and call me daddy!" "Sure daddy Shrek", Jesus floated down like an angel. Oh how Shrek loved as his toga moved gently in the wind and his beard curled around his beautiful face. Everything about this man was godly beautiful. 

Shrek kisses Jesus on his forehead gently. "Jesus, I have something to ask you". Shrek proceeded down onto one knee and asked his sweet Jesus "Will you be the donkey to my swamp?" Jesus burst into tears before screaming "yes!" a hundred times over. They cried and cried before falling into a bundle on the swamp floor.  They were so happy and perfect together. Shresus for the win!

All that was left for Jesus to do, was tell God about this. He floated back up into heaven, Shrek watching his ass the whole time. Jesus snuck back through his golden window and opened his bedroom door. He walked downstairs to find God had prepared cereal for him. "Morning my son!" God smiled so widely. 

"Hey Dad?" "Yes Jesus? What is it?" "I'm....engaged.....to....." "Spit it out son!" "Shrek" God was mad. He was furious, angry even. He didn't want his son marrying an ogre of such an extent. "No Jesus, you may not. You will never see that ogre ever again". Jesus sulked and rushed into his bedroom and slammed the door behind him. "Ugh you never let me have what I want DAAAAAD". Jesus sat down, his back against his door, and hugged his knees. He started to cry that his father didn't support him.

Jesus got out his headphones and phone, and blasted welcome to the black parade at full blast. He wasn't happy. He snuck out of his window anyways, leaving God slamming on the door. God opened the door, but it was too late. "JESUSSSSSSSSS! YOURE GROUNDED!" Jesus didn't care. All he wanted was to see Shrek again and cuddle him in his arms. Jesus needed Shrek.