1. I'd slap you, but I don't want to get slut on my hand.
Why not? You already have it all over your outfit.
2. If I wanted to hear from an ass, I'd fart!
Go ahead, it's gotta smell better than your breath.
3. The 80s called. They want their haircut back.
The 1880s called, too. They want their joke back.
4. You must've been born on the highway, because that's where most accidents happen.
You must've been born at the pound, because you're a son of a bitch.
5. Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?
Couldn't help it. One look at you and I to vomit.
6. Tell you mom I said hi.
I'll tell her you hope to get that little thing up next time, too!
7. Does that shirt come with a dimmer switch?
Does your mouth come with a mute button?
8. Kiss my ass!
Not until you shave it.
9. Do your hear that? It's the sound of no one caring.
I didn't quite catch it. All I heard was the sound of an ass wipe talking.
10. I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
I don't doubt it. You're definitely a loser.
11. You have something on your chin. No, the third one down.
Why don't you wipe it off for me and put it in one of those bags under your eyes?
12. Nice tan. Orange is my favorite color.
Mine's brown. That's why I love your teeth.
13. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better argument than yours.
Well it would be a nice change from all the crap that's been coming out of your mouth!
14. If you were anymore of a bitch, you'd have puppies.
Yeah, and then you wouldn't be the only dog in the room.
15. Is that perfume or marinade?
Actually, it's jerk repellent, but it doesn't seem to be working.
16. I'm busy now. Can I ignore you later?
The same way you ignore the fact that you're a douche?
17. That's funny. You're giving my middle finger a boner.
Your girl told me it's the only boner you can get.
18. Don't get your panties in a bunch!
I won't. They're on the floor next to your mother's bed.
19. Do they make those pants in men's sizes?
Why, are you looking for something to get your wife?
20. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
I thought your boyfriend was gay, 'til I slept with him.
21. I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
That's because you're so full of crap.
22. How's the wife and my kids?
Your kids? That explains why they're so ugly.
23. Someone call animal control! We've got a stray bitch running around.
First we better call social services to pick up this homeless tramp!
24. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Is it the stick from up your ass?
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