Falsettos Lyrics

Year of the Child

JASON

Baruch, baruch atah

Baruch atah Adonai

Baruch atah Adonai eloheinu

Melech haolam

Asher kidshanu, asher kidshanu

V'tzivanu l'hitateif batzitzit

TRINA

Jason dear, hello

Are you packed and waiting?

But before we go

Let me speak with father alone

Now as the bar mitzvah nears—

Jason, put your Walkerman on and hum

Since this is the last loving thing

We'll probably ever do together

Let's act adult and not go crazy

MARVIN

Have you chosen yet who'll cater?

TRINA

What about it?

MARVIN

I know a person who can cater

TRINA

It's a personal decision who should cater

MARVIN

Can we consider who's gonna cater?

TRINA

Shh!

MARVIN

Please?

TRINA

Shh!

MARVIN

Please?

TRINA

Shh!

MENDEL

Stop! This is so much crap

Throw a simple party!

Religion's just a trap

That ensnares the weak and the dumb

Stop with the prayers

TRINA

How can you stop with the prayers at a bar mitzvah?

MENDEL

The whole thing's voodoo

And I know more than you do!

MARVIN & TRINA

This is the year of Jason's bar mitzvah!

We're more excited than we should be

This is the year of the child

When he spreads out his wings!

There's music in his heart!

His life's about to start!

His body's going wild!

My child

MARVIN

My child

TRINA

Our child

MENDEL

Children, please

Throw the kid a celebration and relax

I'll bring women from the wrong side of the tracks

We'll have a ball!

I guess I'll have to raise this Jason myself

MARVIN

Isn't he an asshole?

TRINA---------------------MENDEL

Yes, he is.--------------------My own bar mitzvah was

MARVIN

Isn't he too much?----------A miserable occasion

TRINA

Yeah, but so are you--------The cause for such

Really, kiddo, so are you----Abrasion in my family

MARVIN

Jesus, what an asshole!----It still gives me hives

Jason, where's my hug?

TRINA

Where's my hug?

MARVIN

Where's my hug?

MARVIN, TRINA, & MENDEL

This is the year for Jason's bar mitzvah

This is the year for Jason's bar mitzvah!

Doorbell rings

CHARLOTTE

Look, look, look, look, look

It's a lesbian from next door!

CORDELIA

Followed by her lover

Who's a lesbian from next door too!

And I've got food for you

Delicious food for you!

Nouvelle bar mitzvah cuisine!

TRINA

Ah...

CORDELIA

Here's dietetic knishes, gefilte fishes

Food that's from the heart!

So take a bite and see

If all your friends agree

It's good!

MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, & CORDELIA

Yummy yummy

Yummy yummy

Yummy yummy

Yummy yummy

Yummy yummy yummy yummy yum!

We'll have one perfect time!

We'll spend billions of dollars!

CORDELIA

Conga!

MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, & CORDELIA

We'll have flowers galore (Whoo!)

And the band will sound fine! (Whoo!)

There'll be chandeliers set round the room

With the men in tuxedos!

There'll be food, like food never before!

What a day to remember!

This is the year of Jason's bar mitzvah!

JASON

They're more excited than they should be

MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, & CORDELIA

This is the year of the child

When he spreads out his wings!

There's music in his heart!

His life's about to start!

His body's going wild!

My

Child!