I waited Jimin or Jungkook to come back but he didn't.. all night I stayed awake in the living room on the couch looking at nothing. No light inside, no TV, no music, only the light from the electronic clock.. 4:18 am
I think I screwed everything up.
Jimin worked so hard and literally fainted everyday. He lost weight and felt tired for trying to figure out what is the nest choreography for every song. He every time texted me to ask me if I feel fine, if I ate.. if I need a break and at the end of the day, he needed love, and I needed too.. but from somebody else.
Yoongi is in my room. He stayed with me until 2:30 but he fell asleep. I carried him to my bed and let him sleep.. he is not the one to blame for this situation. He helped us to stay calm and focused.
I do like Jimin.
I do like Yoongi.
When Jimin said we needed something new, I categorically refused his idea. He had the courage to do this alone, and when I saw he has success, I immediately popped in his business. We spent a lot of time together, we had a lot of fun together, I fell in love with Yoongi hyung too and now Jimin is gone God knows where.
He didn't answer my calls or messages and this drives me insane am makes me sad and angry more than before. I don't know what was in my mind to spill everything sensless and truthless. I know how sensitive is Jimin and so many years of showing him my love were destroied a few hours ago.
Stupid Hoseok.So stupid. You are the reason why Bangtan is not a band and you are the reason why Jimin is gone. You are reason why the fans are disappointed and YOU are the one to blame for everything. If I hadn't cried until now, maybe some tears could drop from my eyes again.
I took a look at the clock again. 4:24 am. The time passes so hard. I closed my eyes and tried to calm down and find the power to stay awake until Jimin is back
In my mind is the fight we had yesterday. This keeps reapeating on and on and my answers for Jimin are irrelevant. He tried to.. he tried to tell me what or how to make the things work again ..And I just cut him with Yoongi and mean words. This is not what he deserves. He deserves to be loved and dressed with cute extra large fluffy sweaters and cuddled all day and night told how beatiful and amazing is.
Jimin is amazing.
And I lost him.
I took off my ring with the sun and the moon. I gave Jimin the one that looks the same. That concert in Osaka where we went to a witch on the street to guess our future..
"In your friendship, you.. What is your name?"
"Hoseok" I answered smiling
"You are the sun that illuminates Jimin's life and makes him see the right path. Dear Hoseok, if you leave this poor little boy, he will get lost and be unable to go through life by himself. He needs you, your friendship or maybe love, you attention, your constant good words and appreciation. Take care of him, Hoseok."
She turned to Jimin. She looks endlessly at his face but he just stayed in his corner, unable to make visual contact with the witch, he told me he is scared by her."What is your name , sweetie?"
"I am Jimin" he answered pulling his knees closer to his chest.
"Jimin.. are you tired, aren't you?"
"A little" he said hesitantly
"Then we are you keep doing your work every day and don't take a break?" She asked preparing her "magic globe"
He looked at the globe, seeing just the reflection of the candles and his face "Because we can't.. I can't.. I mean, I am not that tired."
"You are not.. mhm, I understand. Is that the truth?"
"Mm, yes?"
"You're not just scared to tell Hoseok you need a break because you think you'll disappoint him?" She said with a little smirk on her face.
"How.. do you know?" Jimin widened his eyes.
"Is true?" I asked Jimin and he nodded covering his face.
"Jimin, your pale skin, your purity, every piece of you wants to protect the others and put the friends, family or new persons above you. You Jimin, you are Hoseok's moon that helps him to rest, take a break and relax. You are his reminder that life isn't about working all the time and you have to enjoy it at maximum. Jimin , Hoseok, I see in your future hard moments. You are meant to be forever together so don't let anything or anyone to tear you apart"
I opened my eyes to wake up from this bad dream but they still hurt me, I am still on the floor, the clock is still 4 and a half in the morning, and Jimin is not here.
I see a shadow coming to me, closer and closer..maybe I should really go to sleep. I am so tired but I feel like I don't deserve to sleep or eat, or even breath, because I've destroyed the career of Jimin and Junkook, not just mine.
Don't let anything or anyone..
You let everything and everyone, Hoseok. Do you still believe is a chance for Jimin to come back. He is probably helpless, sad, angry.. but alone.
"Seokie?" I jumped when I hear the voice coming from that shadow. "Why are you still awake?" He came closer to me and helped me to stand up.
"I am waiting for Jimin"
"Jimin is fine, Hoseok.."
"How do you know, Yoongi? I don't know if is good to talk to you now, or stay with you, or stay here instead of searching him. He is a baby, he needs.. me"
"Please baby, come to sleep and I promise tomorrow he will be back. We don't have what to do now, just wait. Please Hoseok come and in the bedroom and sleep" he tried to lead me there.
"No, Yoongi, not until I know he's safe"
"Then, I will stay here with you" he said and took some pillows and a blanket. He sat on the couch and made me stay beside him, covering me with the blanket."Okay, let's wait now" he said and I let my head to rest on his chest..
But my eyes are getting heavier and heavier..I took a last look at the clock 4:47 am..
And..
