FanBoy| Phan

Chapter 6

PHILS POV

I scrolled through tumblr, trying to come up with a new video idea.

I hadn't been able to concentrate all day.
I had that Boy, Dan Howell I think his name was, in my head.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight and sighed.
I don't know what it was about him but he just... He was just perfect.

I shook my head and inhaled deeply.
I typed his name into twitter, praying for a result.

Danisnotonfire

I grinned, yeah that was him.
I scrolled through his twitter feed, reading everything about him.

He was a Youtuber too, damn I wish I knew that.

I clicked on his most recent tweet which read
Sorry guys.

With a link to a video called "Goodbye Internet"

I frowned, was he leaving YouTube?
I clicked on the link, hoping it was click bait.

Hey, maybe I'll be able to convince him to stay on YouTube. It was only tweeted five minutes ago.

The video loaded and he started speaking.

Hello internet.

I smiled, it was good hearing his voice again.

He inhaled shakily, looking at his hands.

Life.. hasn't been great recently.
I-I just feel like it will always be the same.

I shook my head, why is he saying this?

I'll always be just Dan Howell, the one with parents who don't give a shit and no friends.
I guess sometimes on the internet I put on this character.
A funny, happy character. But in real life, I'm nothing like that. I'm boring, and messed up and I feel like I'm just lying to you when I post all these videos.

I wish I could climb through the screen and hug him right now..

I met Phil Lester yesterday.
A smile was bought to his face.
My stomach flipped at the sound of his voice saying my name, his smile made my lips twitch up.

It was the best day of my life.
Which.. is why I can't go on.

I frowned and shook my head.
He means go on with YouTube right?

I reached my peak, life can't get any better than how I felt yesterday.
Nothing will ever beat meeting Phil.
Everything's just pointless now..
I don't know.

He sighed and put his head in his hands.

I've just been looking forward to it for so long that now it's over I have nothing left.
Nothings worth it anymore.

I wish I could be strong for you guys.
The  message of my videos is that you can get through anything so I know it's hypercritical and stupid but I can't deal with my own head anymore.
Like, I hate everything about myself, ask anyone who knows me.

I just feel like I've lived my life, and there's nothing more to it.

I'm sorry guys, I really am.
I don't think people will miss me, there's nothing really for them to miss.
I'm just Dan.
But if in anyway this makes you sad, then I'm sorry.
I hope you find something in life that makes you happy, something that keeps you going.

I just don't think life's for me.
It never really has to be honest.

My heart was thumping rapidly in my chest.
He can't possibly mean..

I've waited so long to do this.
I just can't keep living.
Sorry..

I guess it's time to finally say..
Goodbye Internet.

A single tear dripped down Dans face.

He gave a final sad smile before the camera cut off and the screen went black.

"S-Shit no, he can't fuck." I stuttered.

I scrolled through his feed, desperate to find some way to contact him.

I stumbled upon a tweet which read,
I wanna make friends XP
Feel free to skype me at "Danisnotonfire."

I scrambled over to grab my laptop, opening the lid and frantically clicking on Skype, waiting for it to load.

I rapidly typed in his name, clicking "Add Friend"

Dan, it's Phil, can we skype?

I waited for him to reply, breathing quickly.

He replied quick, Uh, sure.

The chat screen came up on my laptop, showing my face before Dans replaced it,
filling the whole screen.

"Dan, are you okay?" I rushed.

"Oh my god it's actually you.. u-um yeah I'm fine." He stuttered.

I wiped my eyes which were getting wet with tears again.
"I saw your video." I muttered, my voice cracking at the end.

"Oh." He whispered.

"Why would you do that Dan? You have your whole life ahead of you! You're so young, there's so much to live for." I explained.

He shrugged, looking at the floor.
"Not for me."

"There is Dan, I promise. You might not see it now but there's so much for you to miss out on."

He shook his head, "Nothing good happens in my life, meeting you was the best moment ever. But now I have to face reality, I'm going to study law in university which I couldn't give two shits about, my parents will kick me out as soon as the University year starts and I don't have any friends to fall back on." He told me.

"I'm a friend." I whispered.

He looked up at me, shocked.
"You don't know me Phil." He murmured.

"Well tell me about yourself, let me get to know you." I shrugged.

"There's nothing to know really." He muttered.
"Sure there is," I frowned, "What do you like to do?"

"I like to draw, I play piano and drums, and I love making videos." He told me, smiling slightly.

"I wish I could play an instrument." I replied thoughtfully, "See you're talented!"

He shook his head, "Not really."

I frowned again, "Of course you are. What music do you like? What's your favourite band?"

"Muse." He replied quickly and certainly.
I gasped, "Same!"

He grinned, "Really?"
"Yeah, I love them. My mum showed them to me when I was younger and I've loved them since."

"That's amazing." He murmured.

"Yeah." I smiled.

He looked at me through sad hazel eyes, his brown hair falling slightly over his face.

I knew I had to get to know this boy.