FanBoy| Phan

Chapter 22

DANS POV

I woke up with the same dull ache in my chest. I hadn't slept much, I'd been tossing and turning all night, my mother's words replaying it my head.

Phil's shuffled slightly next to me, his eyes gently shut.
I stared at him for a moment, noticing a small smile that played on his lips as he slept.

I sighed deeply and clambered out of bed, stripping my pyjama bottoms off and grabbing a pair of jeans I had left on the floor the previous night.
I slipped on a new T-shirt and strutted out of our room and out of the apartment.

I slammed the front door and leant against it for a short moment, letting my eyes close and the air cool my skin.

Taking a deep breath, I walked down the road away from our apartment and down the Main street.
Part of me felt odd, knowing I'd left Phil alone with no explanation - I always leave notes for him if I leave the apartment.
But I couldn't, I don't know why, I just couldn't.

I walked into our nearest pub, feeling the warm air hit my body and noticing the smell of beer from the night before wafting through the air.

I strolled over to the bar, not used to being here at ten in the morning.

"I'll have a pint of lager please." I mumbled, handing the bar worker a five pound note.
He smiled at me slightly, "Sure mate, you're our first pint of the day."

"I'm not surprised." I replied, giving him a small smile.

He handed me the pint and I thanked him, walking to the far table by the window.

I placed the glass down and sat in my chair, gazing out the window that had a thin layer of frost stuck to it.
A small breeze entered the pub as someone walked through the front door.
They turned to face me, giving me a surprised look, shaking their head slightly.
"What the hell are you doing here this time of day Howell?" They asked me, walking over and sitting on the opposite side of the table.
"I could ask you the same thing Peej." I chuckled slightly.

Pj moved to London about a year after I had, and since then we've become close friends again like we once were.

He laughed and shrugged slightly, "Got nothing better to do have I?"
—
Pj and I had been talking 'til the sun went down and the sky has turned a charcoal black outside.
We remained in the pub, it's atmosphere now buzzing as people poured in to drink after their long days at work.

"I best be off mate." Pj told me, grabbing his wallet off the table and cramming it into his jean pocket.
"Same." I murmured, picking up my phone to check the time.
A large pant of guilt hit me as I saw I had twenty missed calls from Phil.
"Crap." I nurtured, standing up and flinging my coat on.
"See you around then." Pj smiled, pulling me into a hug.
"You too." I whispered, bringing the empty glasses up to the bar and leaving.

I wrapped my coat around me tighter as the biting winter air hit my skin.
The street was dimly lit but glowing street lights, making it possible for me to make my way back to our apartment.

Yes, I felt guilty for leaving Phil all day without an explanation, but I needed space for a while.
I guess it kinda helped.

I reached the front door of the apartment, hesitating for a few seconds before pushing the door open.

As soon as the door shut, I heard Phils voice.
"Dan, is that you?" He called.
I hung my coat up on the coat hanger and traipsed up the stairs.
"Yeah." I replied after a few seconds.
He came out from round the corner, concern showing strongly on his face.
"Where the hell have you been?" He asked, "I've been calling you all day."
"Sorry." I mumbled, walking past him and into the kitchen.

It hurt to treat him like this, but I knew I had to, I need to make my family proud for once in my pathetic life.

"Dan?" He asked, his voice sounding small and hurt.
I bit my lip slightly, pulling out a bottle of water from the fridge.
"Dan, look at me." He ordered.
I turned to face him, trying to keep it together.

"Where have you been?" He asked softly.
"Out." I muttered, shutting the fridge door.

"O-Okay." He stuttered, "Have I done something wrong?"

I shut my eyes gently, restraining the tears that were threatening to spill.
"No." I replied, my voice barely reaching a whisper.

I felt his hand touch mine slightly, making me flinch back.

"Dan, hun, what is it?" He asked.
My eyes flickered open again, immediately seeing his sad, glassy orbs staring back into mine.

"Nothing." I muttered, pushing past him.
"Dan please, I just want t-"
"I'm going to bed." I cut him off.

"O-Okay." He murmured, his voice cracking slightly at the end.
"I'll join you then, I guess." He told me.
I shook my head, "Don't, I'm going to my room tonight."

"Oh." He whispered, "Okay."

I walked to my bedroom, leaving Phil standing outside the kitchen, hurt and wondering what he'd done.
I sat on my bed, letting tears flow down my cheeks as silent sobs escaped my lips.

Was I really going to give Phil up for my family?