The Truth of the Matter

21. Take The Plunge

February 2016

    "Move in with me" Quinn blurted out over a humble breakfast of oatmeal one morning.

    "What?" I kind of half laughed, not sure how much he meant what he was saying.

    "Seriously, let's move in together. You won't have to leave in the morning, or remember anything to bring. I won't have to share my beer with Molly" he wasn't joking about the last part, Molly did drink his beer; in fact, she counted on him buying extra for her.

    I chewed my lower lip. It would be nice to have him around all the time. It didn't seem like that much of a leap, but I was still concentrating. It had been seven months since we got back together, officially.

I finally admitted

"I think that would be nice. But it's a big step. I have terrible morning breath"

    He nodded in agreement, not saying anything; letting me talk it out loud, smiling knowingly at my admission of morning breath stink.

    I wanted to risk it; I was afraid out of my mind but I was going to go all or nothing and if it burnt me then so be it.

    "What if you decide you hate me and don't want to live with me anymore" I questioned jokingly but we both knew I meant it.

He laughed

"I think you would have a bit of a warning if I hated you. I'm not one to instantaneously hate someone."

I continued on somberly

"But what if you grew to hate me...My quirks and mannerisms slowly eroding your defenses over years and years. And then finally when we're both too old, tired, and ugly to find new partners, we break up. And it takes the neighbors weeks to find our decomposing bodies."

He thought about it for a minute and, clearly humoring me, he responded

"Well, then we would both either have to have a ton of money to pay for a gorgeous new model or have to settle for someone less than our pay grade."

    I rolled my eyes, it annoyed me that he was so calm about this.

    "Do you want me to tell you all your annoying attributes?" he asked lightheartedly, apprehensive of walking into a trap

    "Yeah, actually. Do it" I dared him, wanting him to prove he knew what he was getting into.

He sighed in forfeiture and continued

"You get grumpy when you don't eat. You don't like it when I interrupt your reading. You hate driving. You can't cook vegetables to save your life but I'll do that, so it doesn't matter. You take too long of showers and the water isn't hot enough for me when I get in. Your morning breath is horrible. You're a hypochondriac. You over accent foreign words like coup de tait. You get mad when you don't understand something right away yet act a little superior once you master it. You use way too many emojis when you text. Should I go on?"

    I laughed. Those were all true, exactly. And yet he still stayed and I was definitely going to keep doing those things. I knew I wanted to live with him but a looming shadow of responsibility crept up over me.

I took a deep breath, staring down at my coffee, letting the thoughts simmer. Then a little voice of optimism spoke up and reminded me that we had seen each other through worse, and we could do this. And there was no law stating that you had to break up if you didn't want to live together. Or even if you lived together and then decided not to. I was falling into my old pattern and imposing all of these rules and expectations on myself and they didn't need to be there. Our lives would be what we made them.