The Feeling of Love and Terror

Chapter 4

Frank's POV

Gerard FINALLY comes downstairs in his black jeans and a band t-shirt that he wore a couple of days ago and joins us on the couch and chairs. My god, I was so close to show him how I really feel about him. I can't believe that I almost kissed him! Hopefully I looked calm and collected when I did it because I was shaking so much on the inside, it felt like I was in an earthquake. 

Gerard, Mikey, Ray and I all got to catch up with each other for hours. We sat there, told stories about what has been going on lately, looked back on all the good memories we had way back when, it was fantastic. 

"Yeah, and due to my guitar playing, I inspired Mr. Mikes over here" says Ray as he playfully punches Mikey in the shoulder. 

"Woah, what?!"  Gerard exclaimed.

"Go Mikey! What kind you got?" I questioned

"Well, actually... I'm not taking up guitar," Mikey said shyly while looking at the floor, "I took up bass. I thought it would be fun to learn..." 

"Don't be so shy Mikey, were not gonna beat you up, we find it fantastic that you wanted to learn something new!" Ray told him as he put his arm around Mikey. Mikey blushed and played with his own hands. Woah. Mikey got some feelings for Ray? Go bro. 

Around 8pm, Mikey and Ray had to leave, and we walked them out. As we walked them out, I heard a sort of whimper, sort of like a cry. 

"Did you hear that?" I said with a panic

"No....? Are you OK Frank?" Ray said.

"Yeah, I swore I just heard someone cry."

"Your going crazy Franks, we didn't hear anything." Gerard said, without even looking at me. Great, I caused an awkward tension between us. How fucking fantastic.

"Ok." I just shook it off and said goodbye, then Gerard and I walked back into the house. I sat down on the couch, hoping Gerard would follow, but I hear a creak, I turn around and see Gerard slowly climbing up the stairs. 

"Where are you going?" I said in a soft tone.

"Upstairs." he kept on climbing.

No, don't keep on going up the stairs. I want you here with me, I want you. In panic, I just stumbled out, "Come sit on the couch with me."

He stopped. Frozen. It was a very awkward silence and tension for at least 10 seconds, then he turned his head around and looked at me. Oh gosh, here comes the butterflies. I heard him come down the stairs and then sit on the couch with me. We just sat there for around a minute when I decided I needed to break the ice.

"So, it was fun seeing Ray and Mikey again."

Nothing. I look at Gerard. His head is nodding in agreement, but looking at the ground.

Crap. What have I done?

Gerard's POV

I sit there, just staring at the ground, playing with my hands, just spaced out. I hear Frank trying to break the awkward silence, but I cant speak. I don't know what to say!  I'm so nervous to say anything. I just want to kiss him. Not because I feel bad for him since Mikey and Ray interrupted him, because I might have the same feelings for him back, I just want to determine them. 

"Gerard, I'm sorry! Ok? I'M SORRY!" I hear Frank's voice crack, like he is about to break down and cry. I look up at him, worried, and his eyes are filled with tears. "I'm sorry for freaking you out this morning, I'M SORRY!!" Tears start rolling down his face and his face is starting to turn white. Why is he turning white? I noticed his breathing starting getting uneven and shorter and shorter. I grabbed a hold of Frank's shoulder. "Frank, are you ok?" No response. All I can hear is his breath weezing. 

"Frank! Look at me!" Nothing. His body was growing weak, he started slowly swaying back and forth, like he was going to black out at any second. "LOOK AT ME!"  

I finally just grabbed his head and made him look at me. It looked like there was no life in his eyes. I look back and forth at each eye, so scared, just panicking and hoping he wont crumble to the ground. "I j-just... could...nt... han...dle..." Frank started to hyperventilate as his body started to fall towards me. I took Frank and lead him into me so his head is on my chest. I hold his head against me with one hand and my other arm wrapped around him so he doesn't fall off the couch. My eyes started to water so much that I couldn't even see because I don't know what is happening to Frank. I want to calm him down, but I don't know how. He was struggling to breathe, his body started shaking so much. All I could do is just hold him tight against me. I know that although he might look tough on the outside, he is soft on the inside, but this isn't soft. This is him having an attack of some kind and it is scaring the living shit out of me! I grabbed his hand and connected it with mine and kissed the top of his head, trying not to show that I was crying myself.

It's been probably 45 minutes and Frank is finally starting to calm down... his breathing is more controlled, although he has short breaths here and there. I grip a hold of his hand even harder, and Frank looks up at me. I'm guessing he might not have realized that I had a hold of his hand this whole time. He struggles to sit himself up, so I help him, still having a tight hold of his hand and body.  "Gerard, you can let..."

"Shh..." I put my finger of my other hand onto his lips, "I'm going to sleep with you in your room tonight, and your going to like it." I heard Frank chuckle a little bit, looking sort of confused, but when he looked up at me, his eyes had a terrified look in them. He wiped his hand along my cheeks. I still had tears streaming down my face, no matter how many times I wiped them away and tried to dry my eyes, I couldn't.  "I didn't mean to make you cry Gee." he said, still upset. 

"To be honest, I didn't even know I was crying until now," trying to shrug that part of the situation off, "You scared me so much Frankie. I didn't know what was going to happen to you."

"I know... I'm so sor..." Franks breath got short. I felt his body tense up as I crawled my hand onto the back of his neck. He stared at my other hand which was connected to his and he bit his lip. I giggled under my breath as I squeezed his hand even more. He looked up at me with those beautiful eyes in wonderment, and as I slowly leaned in, I pulled him closer to me, and I kissed him. Long and hard. I slowly pull away to look at him. HIs eyes are slowly opening and he looks up and smiles at me. I smile back. I lean in and kiss him again. He lets go of my hand and puts his arms around my neck. I put my arms around his waist tight, still afraid he might fall off the couch. I pull back, and put my forehead against his, and Frank looks at me with a puzzled look. "You OK Gee?"

"I am never letting you out of my sight. Ever."