Top of the World

We'll Be a Dream

April turned into May which rolled into June. The doctors appointments were going well, and it had been confirmed now at sixteen weeks that there was just one baby. "I'm glad he or she is healthy, that's all that matters." Hunter smiled, putting a hand on my belly. The doctor pegged my due date to November 5th, very close to Easton's birthday of November 12th.
Hunter dropped Easton and I off at yoga and he went to run a few errands. I watched Easton roll and tumble on the mats with his friends and caught up with a few of the moms. "Jenna you're totally glowing," Tammy, the instructor smiled, "how's the time off treating you?"

"So far so good," I helped Easton get his socks and shoes on, "it's nice to slow down. Last year was so incredibly busy I feel like I wasn't even parenting, just working all the time." We packed up just in time as Hunter pulled up to the front of the studio. We went home and spent some time with Easton before he had a nap. While he was resting, Hunter and I cuddled up on the couch, talking about what's next.
"Sixteen weeks," I put my hands on my belly, my legs outstretched over Hunter's lap, "miracle baby." Hunter placed his hand over mine. My belly hasn't popped yet which helped make keeping a secret easier.

"So, I wanted to run something past you," He smiled, rubbing my hand, "it's not scary or bad I promise. I am still one hundred percent here, but I am missing work a little. These past six months off have been heavenly and necessary but I feel fidgety." I smiled and he continued, "I want to record a few songs and release them. Not as singles leading to something bigger, just
music, noise, individual songs."

"I think that's a great idea. You know I totally support you."

"Thank you sweetie," he kissed my hand. "I always appreciate the amount of support you give me. I just feel inspired, positive and creative right now...."

"I feel ya," I said, pointing at the red book underneath several Dr. Seuss and Arthur books, "can you grab that?" Hunter slipped from under my legs to get the book from the table.

He flipped through it, his cheeks smiled slightly as his eyes scanned the hand written lines. There weren't any complete songs , but there were random paragraphs or lines that sounded good when I thought of them. "You know, if you went back in time and told twenty four year old you that you could be a song writer by thirty, you would've laughed." He turned to a page with a sticky note then looked at me, "Jen these are brilliant lines."

"Thanks." I leaned my head into the sofa cushion. There was one verse in there called Missing Pieces, and it was about the miscarriage and how everything happens for a reason but I felt like part of me went missing and I lost something I barely had. I could tell by his expression that Hunter stumbled upon it.
I say everything happens for a reason
But I didn't think about how
Losing something I never touched or knew
Would have my heart spinning out
With every tear I cried
With every sleepless night
I feel like I'm missing pieces of me
Pieces of me I lost when I lost you

I blame myself, I cursed and I cried. Losing you, part of me died

"Oh Jenna." Hunter's voice was barely audible.

I placed a hand on his arm, "I don't feel like I did when I wrote that. That was hurt, angry and confused." He placed his hand over mine.

"I wish I could've carried more of that pain for you." Tears stung his eyes, "I didn't realize how heavy that was for you."

"It was heavy, it was sad but it's just one part of my life, our life, like the chapter in a storybook." I looked for a glimmer of hope in his eyes, and he kissed me softly until we were interrupted by what sounded like Easton coming down the stairs.

"Mommy," he had his hands on his tummy, "I don't feel good." I placed a hand on his forehead and he had a fever.

"Oh buddy, yeah you don't look good. Let's get you back upstairs." I took Easton upstairs, got him comfortable in bed and Hunter followed up with some Motrin and water.

"I'll go get Sutton from school," he hugged me and kissed Easton, "you rest okay, buddy?"

Easton nodded and I sat with him in bed and read him a few stories. Easton slept and I went down to help with dinner. It was a long gruelling night of upset stomachs and crying, but after two days Easton finally felt better. "Poor kid, he always gets the weird bugs. He doesn't even go to school yet." Hunter said as we're driving home from taking Sutton to school.

"No I know, and he starts preschool at the end of August..." my mind drifted off. We put Sutton in preschool early to help get her socialized since we worked so much around grown ups. Easton would be turning three by the time the baby joins us, "It will be nice to have them both going to school come fall."

"Yeah it will be good for everyone." Hunter smiled as we sat on the back deck, watching Easton splash in the kiddie pool. "What did you keep from these guys?" Hunter asked, referring to baby supplies.

"The crib is in the third room, I have some of their cute outfits, but not much in the way of clothes. All the toys were packed into the closet in totes." I placed my hands on my belly as my feet were propped up on a chair. "Do you think Sam and Amy are gonna get married soon or have kids?"

"I don't know, what makes you think that?"

I shrugged, "I dunno, they've been together a while, I think they make a good couple." Sam and Amy met and began dating just around the time when Sutton was two years old.

"That they do." Hunter smiled as he pursed his lips together, reaching for his glass of water.

"Do you know something I don't?" I cocked an eyebrow and lifted my sunglasses off to stare Hunter down. He shrugged.

"Hunter, is Sam going to propose?" He nodded. "Ah, yay!"

"It's a secret but he told me that he got permission from her parents. I don't know the plan."

"Well, yeah of course it's a secret," I laughed, "that makes me happy." I sighed, "On a completely unrelated note, Sutton's fifth birthday is coming up."

"Indeed it is. Any ideas?"

"I was thinking movies? Pick ten friends we can do cake and pizza at the theater and we will go see something. Low key but still fun."

"Let's ask her tonight and go from there."