Probability || A Connor(RK800)xOC Love Story

Ch. 17 - Nightmare ||

"You learned to run from what you feel,

and that's why you have nightmares.

To deny is to invite madness. To accept is to control."

----Megan C.

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Guilt.

By definition it is described as emotional experience that occurs when a person believes they have compromised their own standards or morals bears significant responsibility for that violation. Guilt grows and festers, building with intensity as it feeds on the negative feelings of a person. It consumes and gnaws away at the mind, whispering countless reminders of what that person did, until it swallows them whole until there is nothing left.

Both Lee and Hank were suspended until further notice for punching Henry Wilson. The entire situation was unfair and it didn't help that both detectives felt immensely guilty about Emily being taken away. Hank had seemed more depressed than before, shutting Lee out immediately, spending his suspension at Jimmy's Bar and drowning his sorrows with liquor, isolating himself completely. While Lee found her own way of coping. She didn't have the energy to do much of anything besides shower, piss and shit and feed Misty. She barely ate, not having much of an appetite as of late. She also found herself severly lacking sleep, too afraid to meet slumber. She had been experiencing fits of night terrors if she went to sleep. She'd always dream of Emily, she'd awaken in the middle of the nught drenched with sweat before sobbing to herself.

It had gotten to the point that Lee was so afraid to sleep she had started to take caffeine pills in order to keep herself awake. However, when the caffeine pills didn't work and she managed to fall asleep, she'd sleep for hours on end, waking up from a night terror only to repeat the process again. It had gotten to the point, she felt like she was starting to see and hear things.

One would think both she and Hank (especially Hank) would try to get some sort of therapy, however, being depressed and guilty seemed to be a part of the job description along with unhealthy coping mechanisms.

And tonight was no different.

The caffeine pills were beginning to wear off and Lee was beginning to feel the pulls of sleep. She laid in her bed, looking at the television on the screen watching as some reality tv show played involving bantering housewives. She blinked her eyes, trying to ignore the seductive lull of sleep as she shifted in her bed for what felt like the thousandth time. She rubbed her eyes before leaning on her arm, her cheek on her palm as she tried to stare intently on at the television. However, her eyes began to droop and her heart began to slow. She blinked once. Twice. Her head lolled to the side before hitting her pillow as sleep suddenly took her.

Lee blinked her eyes, looking around, noticing that she was at the precinct. Wasn't she just in bed moments ago??? Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion and she made a move to get up only to hear a soft groan of protest. Lee looked down to see that Emily was curled up on her, her eyes closed. Lee's heart clenched, her dark eyes wide with shock. "E-Emily?" She whispered, reaching a hand down to the small of her back. Emily's eyes slowly opened and her LED swirled yellow as she blinked. She then let out a soft yawn, giving Lee a sleepy look. "Is something wrong?" She asked softly. Lee felt tears prick the corners of her eyes, surprised to see Emily alive in front of her. Lee swallowed thickly and gave her a watery smile. "N-No...everything's fine," Lee said softly, running her fingers tentatively through her hair. "I'm just--....just happy you're okay."