Internet Bestie| Hunter Rowland

Chapter 30

Hunter's POV

12 days. 12 fucking days with Sydney. I didn't think it was possible to feel so alone without someone. I've been going through living hell without her.

The first day, I was numb. I didn't move, didn't eat, didn't sleep, didn't cry. I typed out a text to her once, but deleted it quickly after.

The second day, I threw my phone against the floor and stomped on it until it was broken. My mom seemed to understand. She bought me another one but refused to give it to me until I was better. I was sure I was never going to be better. 

The third day, I talked to Brandon. He wasn't much help. He called me a dick a bunch of times. I knew I was. I don't even know why the fuck I did it. But I did. And I'm paying the price for it.

The fourth day, I looked in the mirror. I looked like complete shit. And I punched the mirror. I shattered. I didn't feel bad. The pain helped.

The fifth day, I ate. A bowl of cereal, nothing much. And I threw it up after. An image of me kissing that girl kept replaying in my head.

The sixth day, I cried. I cried a lot. I also stole Brandon's phone and looked at her Instagram. She hadn't posted anything, but I just scrolled through her feed. I tried memorizing her smiling face. But all I could think about was the broken one when she found out I cheated on her. 

The seventh day, I got up and walked around the house. Ashton looked at me with sympathy, Brandon rolled his eyes and groaned at me a lot and my mom tried to confront me. I refused to listen. Brandon went over to her house that day. He refused to tell me what they talked about, or how she looked, if she was ok. He just through my stuff at me. I cuddled with one of the hoodies that she wore. It spelled like her.

The eighth day, I got up and took a shower. I had bags under my eyes, bad. I still looked like shit, even after the shower. I put on new pajamas and went back to bed.

The ninth day, my mom forced me to go to the store. I didn't want to go. But I did. Everyone stared at me and it made me feel like even more shit.

The tenth day, I stayed inside and played video games. Killing imaginary people helped, weirdly enough.

The eleventh day, I tried getting my life together, tried to muster up the courage to go to her house and talk to her. I didn't care if I had to get down on my knees and beg. I would do anything just to hug her now. 

Which brings me to today. Ashton forced me to go on a walk. The hot air made me gag. It's times like this I hate Arizona. That's when I saw her for the first time in 12 days. 

"Sydney?" I called. She turned around and looked at me, her eyes and face puffy from crying. It broke my heart to see the pain I caused her. 

"Go away," She mumbles. My eyes travel down to her hand. She was still wearing the ring. Was that a good sign?

"Please, talk to me. Let me explain." I sigh through my nose as Alex walks over to me. 

"She doesn't want to talk to you. Leave her alone," He says, getting all up in my face. I look over at her, tears were streaming down her face.

"Please," I mumble, my voice barely audible. She sighs and walks over to us. She puts her hand on Alex's arm and nods at him. He glares at me before walking away. I nod my head in his direction and Ashton follows him.

"I'm sorry," I start. 

"You should be," She groans. 

"I didn't know what I was thinking. I guess I let it happen because I thought I could pretend it was you. Because I missed you so goddamn much. I was stupid." I try and take her hand in mine but she pulls it away.

"Did you sleep with her?" Her voice gets caught in her throat.

"No," I tell her honestly.

"You gave me a promise ring. A motherfucking promise ring and then you fucking cheated one me!" She yells, as she takes her hand and hits my chest a few times. My heart flutters at the contact, even though it shouldn't. 

"I'm so sorry," I whisper.

"I'm so fucking stupid. Joey told me you were cheating. He told me you weren't the right one for me. I fucking hate myself!" She yells.

"Don't say that," I whisper, looking into her eyes. 

"I fucking hate myself for loving you. Because even after all the shit you put me through, I still love you. And I shouldn't. You got under my skin and now I can't get you out." Tears soak her shirt. 

"I love you, too. God I love you so much it hurts. I've been going through hell this past 12 days." 

"Then why didn't you answer my calls?!" Now she's mad.

"I smashed my phone." Her eyes meet mine. I lean in to kiss her but she stops me.

"Syd, I need this. This could be the last time I kiss you. Please," I plead. She sighs and lets me kiss her because deep down, she knew she wanted it too. If it was going to be our last, we both needed that. I only know that because she tangles her fingers in my hair and pulls me closer. When we finally pull away, she can't meet my eyes. 

"I love you, Syd," I mumble. She shakes her head. 

"No. You didn't just waltz your way back in. You don't love me." She continues to shake her head.

 "I do. I love you so much. And you know that. Don't let me go, Syd. Don't let us go." Now I'm crying. 

"If you loved me you wouldn't have cheated. I'm worthless. I didn't mean shit to you. I never did. And you certainly don't love me." She starts to back away but I grab her elbow.

"What do I have to do to prove to you that I love you?" My throat hurts from all the crying and pain this has caused me. 

"Answer this honestly," She sighs. I look at her confused.

"How long have you been cheating on me? Why did you cheat on me? Was she prettier than me?" 

"It was a one time thing. I missed you so much I thought I could pretend she was you. And no one is prettier, more perfect, than you," I whisper, wiping her tear-stained cheeks. 

"You cheated because you missed me?!" She's back to mad. "That's the stupidest thing ever. Oh my God, you decided to go on that dumb tour. If you missed me you wouldn't have gone. Or you would have visited." 

"You told me to go."

"That doesn't mean I wanted you to. God Hunter, don't you understand. I didn't want to get in the way of your happiness. Your fans already hate me. I wasn't trying to give them another reason to threaten me!" She yells. 

"They threaten you?" I ask. She nods.

"Not all of them. Some of them are supportive. But there are some that have it out for me. Because they can't have you." She's calmed down again. 

"How long are we going to do this?" I try to change the subject. I never thought my fans could be cruel to her.

"Do what?" She asks.

"This back and forth. This horrible stage of our relationship," I mumble. 

"When you earn my trust again." With that, she walks away. Leaving me standing there with my vision blurred from tears and my heart shattered. Alex hugs her, glares at be then turns around and takes her home. Ashton gives me a small frown, hugs me, and follows me home. 

I start thinking about ways to earn her trust again. 

"You could ask her out, like, on an actual date," Brandon sighs as he stands in the doorway.

"I thought you hated me. Why are you trying to help me?" I question.

"I don't hate you. I just don't agree with your actions. Syd is the best thing that's ever happened to you. I'm not gonna let you screw that up." He sits down next to me before pulling me into a bro hug.