Phan Fluff

The beginning

Dan stumbled through the door, locking it quickly behind him. He sighed and hung up his coat, still clumsily moving around due to the sheer adrenaline still left in his system. He double checked the door lock, and decided to bolt it as well.. because...
"Dan?"
Dan leapt through the ceiling.
"JESUS PHIL," he heaved.
"I uh... sorry. Dude what happened? You look like you got hit by a bus."
Dan flopped on the couch and Phil soon followed.
"This girl is a maniac."
"Oh no."
"Oh YES."
Phil gave him a strange look.
"Just emphasizing the fact, ok?"
Phil nodded and Dan continued.
"So I get to the bar that we agreed to meet at, at the time we said, which was 8:00. I confirmed this several times over text because I've been wrong before and it sucks. So the girl says she's been waiting there THREE HOURS. By this time I figure she's just giving me shit and trying to make me feel bad; I don't know why.
And we start talking and I find out about her three yorkies and her Italian poodle, which I think is made up, and at this point I'm just being polite and smiling and nodding. FINALLY 10:00 comes and I try to get the hell out, as ya do, and this bitch chases me down and says that we need to share an Uber (this is after I told her there needs to be no second date). I tell her no, we can't share an Uber because I'm not letting her see where I live or, even if we let her off first, I'll still be trapped in the car with her for at least 20 more minutes. Ok I didn't tell her that. I told her I was tired and that I lived across town from her. Or something."
Dan put his head in his hands as Phil looked on, sympathetically rubbing Dan's tense shoulders.
"Phil."
"Yeah," Phil responded quietly.
"Do you know what she did next?"
"Do I want to?"
"She followed me in a bloody cab!"
"Does she know where we live?"
"I don't know. I told the Uber to let me off a block early and I sprinted."
"Huh. Well, you could have called me, you know."
"Yeah, yeah I know I just thought maybe I wouldn't get you involved this time."
"Nah, but I would like to get revolved."
"What?"
"I like the revolving doors. They're getting somewhere. Maybe the next ones will have automatic motion activation for moving the doors- I know some of them already have that, but if you couple it with a platform to stand on, then you could just wave your arms and you would get revolved."
"Ok then."