This is my story

"Must, Stay, Alive."

{WARNING : this could be triggering. Read at your own risk. I suffer from memory loss a bit, so go easy on me. But i do remember the event like it was yesterday}
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[Im 90% positive it was his birthday.]
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That day I asked If his father could pick me up so he couldn't see what I had. When I got to his house I knocked on his door. He was laying down on his phone. I knew he had 2 knives in his room for "protection" they were easily reachable if needed.
I have always been naturally scared of knives in other people's hands.

We decided to watch some TV for the day; movies or youtube, anything really. I had gotten a call from my mother saying that I could stay until 10 or 11. A reward for watching my brother as my step father was taken to the ER. Everything was great, I got to spend more time enjoying his company. Soon his dad came in and said he had to do yard work. Us, alone...I knew what that meant. I was only 14 and wasn't into the whole "sex is amazing" scene. I really didnt like it, i even told him that I wanted to wait until I was 16 (legal age of consent). But we experimented with certain things. Oral, or doing sexual acts with my hands. I always gave and never received. It was okay, but I felt like that's all I did, I wanted love and connection. He wanted sex but i would always brush it off. "I'm tired." Or "Not right now" what i was thinking? 'Get off my case, creep.' But I never said it, I never wanted to break his heart, ever.

I got tired soon after just laying there and goofing around, I wanted to take a nap. So I layed there, gray tank top and red leggings that hugged my curves in the best ways; Not too tight, not too loose. He got up and I gave him a questionable look. "If I'm going to sleep I'm gonna get comfortable." He took off his jeans and left himself in boxers and a t-shirt. He layed down next to me and we hugged eachother, soon falling asleep. I opened my eyes a bit to him waking up from a nightmare. He put his head to my shoulder and cried, saying the dream was me being tied up and tortured. Leaving him to fall witness to it all. I tried to calm him down, he was upset over the whole thing. He said something like "Even though I had Nightmare, I still have a boner." Or something like that. And pushed his vile erection on my thigh. 'ugh, not now.' I thought, I was exhausted and half awake. I did not want to do this. But I'm naturally a giver, so i gave until I had no more then gave some more.

Now, just to clarify I was a virgin. No anal and definitely no vaginal sex. We might've made out, I'm not sure. There was a routine with him. Makeout, finish him off, repeat. Simple enough, right? Wrong. This time was drastically different. He wanted me to go all the way, and I had no say in it.

He stood up once again and pulled me to the side of the bed, I thought He wanted a little more show and tell. And since it was his special day I didn't want to keep him unhappy. But I was not ready for what he had in mind. He grabbed at my hips and ripped my leggings and underwear off and threw them on the ground. I was mortified, No man or woman has ever seen me so vulnerable. In a metter of miliseconds, He flipped me over and spit on my "backdoor" (if you catch my drift). He proceeded to ram his erection into me and start thrusting. He was extremely heavy, and I was paralyzed. All i could think was 'Oh my god no please I have to stay alive he has knives I have to live for my little brother he needs me!'. My legs were locked in between his, and I knew my life was over with.

This went on for a while, a long while. 'When will this be over!?' I thought, 'Why is this taking so long?!' I was a ragdoll, for him and him only that day. And I hated it, I wanted to kick and scream but I thought if i did that, I would've been hurt. Again, knives were easily accessible. My shirt was over my breasts by now and I was over this whole thing as well. I went with everything he told me to do. He had me get in a sitting position on top of him, not facing him. He made me bounce up and down. Once he saw that I wasn't doing much to contribute, he flipped me over onto my back and accidentally pressed onto my vagina. I saw his horrid expression of pleasure, ew. I was wearing a tampon, and he knew this. I moved his erection out of there as quickly as possible. I thought he took my virginity. ' That bastard.' Luckily, he was never in my vagina. He flipped me for the last time onto my stomach and finished for the second time, digging his hands into my shoulders.

Finally, it was done. I was laying there panting from the disgusting heat radiating off of his vile body. I pulled my shirt and bra. I despised the scum who had just raped me. I looked at him with confusion, heartbreak, and rage. He was masturbating, That vile fuck. I gathered my clothes and handed him his jeans. I quickly got dressed.

He offered some weed to me, I had only smoked once before so I wasn't used to it. I smoked anyways, I wanted my mind and body to be elevated from the pain. We went out for some junk food. A speedway gas station about 15 blocks down. It smelled cheap and of cigarettes. I always found gas stations a bit odd although convinent. Always 2 close by eachother, on a run down corner or in the middle of absolute chaos. I sluggishly looked for anything appetizing. I found dill pickle chips, aside from salt & vinegar they are my favorite. I walked around some more and found him at the hot-dogs. Even worse, gas station hot-dogs, no one knows who touched them or what is on them; Perfect for a low life prick. He soon payed after he was denied by the cashier about buying a lighter.

We headed out to a park, the only sense of somewhat control the entire night. I could run, and never look back. But i didn't, it was around 9:30 and I can't scare anyone. Just have to deal with the alien next to me. I thought he loved me. I mean, He said it. He said I was his world and that he would love me..forever. But how could someone who you thought loved you, kill the spark in your soul? I concluded that it was my fault, i taunted him, No that can't be. How could I have caused that?

We headed to his house soon after that. I packed up everything and asked if i could leave, it was around 10:30 and i needed to get home. The ride was silent, no one spoke. I got home and was in shock, what the hell just happened?