Nothing Runs Smoothly (Editing)

Chapter 21 - 'My vision's blurred'

Carly's POV.

“I'm so blind! How did I not realise it e-earlier!” I sobbed into Kris' arms as he held me tight. He pulled me up onto his lap and repetitively wiped away my falling tears. I could feel everyone else on the train staring at me in disgust at my sobbing state. Fuck them. It's not their mothers who have cancer. Every time I think of the word cancer, a huge lump swells in my throat threatening to choke me.

I couldn't even look at Kris. I don't think I could bare to see how annoyed he must be having to deal with my moaning. I decided to stay silent, well...as silent as I could be. Kris doesn't need me going on about my depressed thoughts, and I’m sure the other passengers will be thankful if I put a sock in it and keep my thoughts to myself.

I felt so guilty! She's my mum and I didn't even notice her decreasing health because I was too busy fighting with her. I made her life hell! She hates me and I don't blame her, I’m such a horrible daughter. I should be able to know when my mum gets ill. It didn't even cross my mind, sure I thought she was depressed or mental but never in a million years would I have thought she had cancer. She's been suffering for over a year! And I have isolated her, cut her out leaving her to fight it out alone. She couldn't even tell me about it, I am THAT horrible that she couldn't trust me. She doesn't deserve to have such a life threatening disease, I should be in her place. I should be the one in that hospital, it's the least I deserve for being so selfish and inconsiderate!

A fat tear trickled over my cheek and down towards my already soaking chin. Of course Kris was straight on it wiping it away with a soft tissue. I kept my head faced downwards as I rested my head on his chest. “You must be so tired, do you want to sleep? We still have quite a bit till we arrive. Don't worry, I'll be here holding you. I'll make sure we get off and take you straight to the hospital, okay?” he said running his fingers softly through my hair. For the first time since I started crying back at the hotel, I looked up at him. His eyes scanned my tear stained face with so much concern. He looked broken, as if he had just seen his whole world shatter in front of his very own eyes. He's probably gutted that I spoiled our weekend together by crying like the selfish girl I am. I couldn't croak out any words for the lump clogging my throat so I simply nodded at him.

“Carly...I can't tell you everything's going to be alright because I don't know that....but what I do know is that you are strong, and whatever happens I will be here for you, always.” he whispered. I’m glad he didn't just sugar-coat the situation by saying every thing's okay when it's clearly not. He is too sweet to me, but I am so grateful to have him. I nodded again as I wiped away the last of my tears, preparing myself to fall asleep in his arms to block out the pain. “I love you...” were the last words I heard before drifting into a distressed sleep.

…..

“Carly, sweetheart. You need to wake up, we're here,” I peeled my stinging eyes open and looked at my surroundings. I was in a taxi and Kris was gently dragging me out. I suddenly became more alert as I remembered why I was here. I needed to get into the hospital as soon as possible! I shook my head to wake me up so that I was able to hop out.

My face felt sticky and my eyes were swollen because of all the tears that had escaped my eyes. I literally power walked to the reception and demanded to know where her room was. The blonde bimbo didn't know what hit her when I came storming towards her looking like I do. After her mucking around with her computer for a while she finally managed to tell me the effing room!

Just as I was about to make the dreaded journey upstairs a voice caught my attention, “Carly!” I turned in surprise as my dad came rushing towards me. Seeing his panicked face alone set me off in tears again. I let go of Kris' hand and fell into my dads embrace. “Kris called and told me what happened, I needed to come and support you,” he said rubbing my back. I pulled back and yet again wiped my tears off my face. “Thank you...” I said quietly.