the Reckless and the Brave (Sequel to Scream, to be Heard)

Habits

The next morning we went to the airport and waited for the guys, which took a bout an hour and a half because they are so slow getting their bags. They eventually came out, Rian and Zack with Jack's luggage as well as their own. In one hand Matt had his suitcases and in the other hand he held Jack by his collar, and I just assumed he was being punished. "This boy is never getting on a plane again," Matt said. I nodded and shoved him in the back seat. "He freaking flirted with the flight attendant until the point where, being a pervert, said some things I'll care not to repeat in front of Heather."

"Ooh, that bad?" I said. He nodded and got in the back seat and we went to eat lunch for an unusal three hours, then drove back to the hotel, Alex and I going up to the room and leaving them running around like chickens about to get their heads cut off trying to find their room, which was connected with ours. "Idiots," I said as we shut the door. "They have no idea the room connects with ours." I flopped on the bed and turned on the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, singing along to Face Down. Then my phone chimed. It was a text from a random number, but being the idiot I am I unlocked it and read it.

"Dear Heather, can't you see no one likes you? Everyone hates your music. You're just living off of Alex's fame. Alex is the talented one, when you're just a little slut milking his fame to help yourself. Do everyone on the planet a favor and just stop making your music," the text said.

"Thank you for your opinion," I texted back, my fingers moving without my consent. Then I threw the phone down on the bed, pushing my bangs back from my eyes and let the tears the were falling make their way down my face, and just tried to go on with my life.

"This is one nasty text, Heather," Alex said, reading it. I looked at him and suddenly thought of a way to take the pain away, and walked in to the bathroom, slamming the door shut. I then grabbed my razor and harshly cut three horizontal lines across my left forearm, and in seeing the quick reaction of the blood running across my arm, dragged the razor across my skin thrice more, and then three more times. Several cuts re-opened, and I saw that I had done much more damage than I had intended to. But I didn't care. I just kept cutting until my entire arm was covered in blood and I swayed in the spot I was standing on dizzily, then sitting down on the toilet and holding my arm out, a joyous feeling in my heart. Then I heard someone knock on the door. Alex. I quickly stood up and grabbed a hoodie from the floor, not caring whose it was, and threw it on, covering up my last mistake. I then opened the door and walked out, feeling everyone's eyes on me. I tried to get farther than the doorway, but Alex blocked it, staring at something in the bathroom. Dammit. I forgot to put the razor away. "Heather, show me your arms," he said. I shook my head and tried to get past him. He blocked me, and I realized I would have to be clever with this, or face the consequences.

"Why? There's nothing to see. I just went to the bathroom and put this hoodie on because I was cold," I lied. He grabbed my left wrist, and held it out. He dug into my first, and deepest cut. "Alex, please let go of my arm."

"No. If you went to the bathroom, then why didn't the toilet make a noise? Don't lie to me," he said harshly.

"Alex, no." Then I walked past him, and he caught me, shoving the sleeve up and seeing what I had just done, and let the scarlet liquid drip from my arm onto the floor.

"That's what I thought. You could have just talked to me! You could have done anything but this. Can't you go five minutes without cutting yourself?" He shouted. I winced and jumped backwards, bumping into Rian. Alex got closer to me, pointing a finger and raving mad, but Rian put an arm across me, shielding me from whatever Alex was going to say. I saw Matt come up behind Alex and pat his shoulder.

"Calm down, Alex," Matt said. Alex shook him off and broke through Rian, holding out my arm again harshly.

"Look at this! She's freaking killing herself, and you guys are doing nothing, like you don't even care!Let's see how you care when it's her in the coffin instead of Danny or Tom, or having to play at a funeral or explaining to the world why she's gone, why you couldn't save her. Does anyone else care if she f**king dies?" Alex shouted. The whole room went silent, and I moved away from him and Rian until I bumped into another person, this time Zack. Zack led me out of the room, and into his.

"Come on," he said, making me go into the bathroom. He grabbed a white washcloth from the rack, and I sat down. He wet the cloth, then pressed it to my skin. I don't know why, but it seems like Zack is the one that always helps me recover from this. He wiped away all of the blood and told me to keep putting pressure on the wound until he came back about five minutes later with some gauze-like strips that he wrapped around my arm.

"Why did he do that?" I asked as he wrapped it around my arm, cooling the skin.

"I don't know. But I do know that you didn't need that. None of us needed that," he said, tying it off and wrapping another layer on top of it. "Just let him cool off. Come on." He finished wrapping it and offered me a hand. I took it and got up, following him into the other room again. Alex was sitting on the bed alone, and Zack shut the door behind us, leaving us alone. I saw that Alex was crying, whic hit me harder than it had ever before. I quietly walked in and sat next to him, and heard the song he was listening to, So Far Away by Avenged Sevenfold. That took me by surprise, because he doesn't really like them all that much.

"Hey," I said, playing with his hair.

"I'm sorry, I just over-reacted," Alex said. I nodded.

"Yeah, you did. Big time," I replied. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his lap.

"I just don't want to lose you like you lost Danny," he said. I reached up and wiped away a tear that was falling from his eyes.

"You're not going to. Because I'm going to stop cutting," I said, making the decision off the top of my head. I had to stop, and I had to do it before I did kill myself. I hugged him tightly, leaving my head on his shoulder.

"Good. I will if you will," he said. I pulled away, feeling my bones chill at his statement.

"What do you mean? You stopped years ago," I said, desperately wishing that what I was saying would be true. He sighed and shook his head.

"No, I didn't. I've never stopped," he said as he rolled up his sleeves. There were even more scars on his arm, and I carefully placed my hand on them and traced them. I felt him flinch at my touch, but didn't reject it.

"Why?" I asked, my voice breaking, staring at his arm. "When did you do it last?"

"When Danny died," he answered, putting his sleeve back in place. "And I was just about to go do it again." I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to hold it together.

"Alex, please don't," I said. "I don't care if I do it but I care if you do." He nodded, and the song ended, changing to I can Wait Forever by Simple Plan. I found myself whispering the lyrics when it hit the chorus, feeling the pain in Pierre's voice resonate through the room.

"Well I care if you do. And we're both stopping. That's it. No more," He said, running his hand across the arm that Zack had wrapped up. I nodded, and finally let myself break.

"Okay." Is all I could manage before I broke completely, blubbering like a baby. I cried for a long time, as Alex stroked my hair and held me close to him. I eventually pulled away. "I'm going to take a shower," I said, trying to get up. He didn't let go. "Alex."

"Okay. But give me the razors," he said. "I don't want there to be any more." I nodded and went to the bathroom, and handed him my razors. "Mine are in my suitcase." I nodded and dug down to the bottom of the suitcase and grabbed the sliver razors, then handed them to him. He proceeded to drop them out the window, letting a car pass over them. Then I gave him a hug, and he kissed the top of my head and muttered that it was over now, and I pulled away and took a shower, then went straight to bed.