bisexual? garrett watts au (completed)

bathroom cuddles

before you begin, just know there's a trigger warning //
what's talked about in this chapter:
-depression
-anxiety
-hints of verbal abuse
-low self esteem

as we all got inside, it finally dawned on me. my phone was in the pool.  suddenly anxiety went through my whole body, and it was like i was seeing tunnel vision. i felt myself shaking. i got up and ran to the bathroom, not even bothering to turn on the light on. i didn't want anyone to see me like this, i felt myself involuntarily crying

if my mom finds about this, i'm fucking dead. that's the last phone i'll ever get and now.. oh goodness fuck.

i heard a knock on the door. i ignored it.

"Astrid?" it was Shane. I didn't want Shane or Ryland. I wanted Garrett for some reason. I trusted him more than my childhood best friend who've i known for years? how does this make sense?
"i'm fine!" i yelled, sniffling. "just give me a couple of minutes, i'm okay.." my voice cracked. i have mild anxiety, and depression, but for some reason today it all hit at once. I felt like a disappointment, one small thing like dropping my phone can make me upset like this, and i hated it. i hated feeling this way. i hated how whenever i think of my mom, i think about how much she doesn't want me here, how much i hated her, and how much hell she put me through. i think of every mistake when i get like this, it's like i'm in an eternal darkness i can't get out of. like the darkness surrounds me and all i can feel are the hot tears down my chubby cheeks and my aching heart. there's another thing, i was so big for my age. my mom always made fun of that. another way i felt like a failure.

"give her some time. we don't know what's wrong, but i think it started with her phone slipping out of her hand and into the pool." i heard Garrett's voice and my heart pounded. Look at me, having a small crush on the gay guy. i started to think of all the different ways Garrett had been nice to me in these two days, was that him being kind or him showing me some type of affection? i didn't know. i just knew for now, he was comfort to me in this certain time and place.

"Okay it's settled then." Shane said loudly, and it snapped me out of my trance. what had been settled? this made me nervous, and a little shaky too.

about five minutes later, i heard another knock on the door, except it was softer. "Astrid?" Garrett whispered. "may i come in?" he asked, i cleared my throat, and smiled to myself. "yes, please do."
Garrett slid his tall figure next to mine, and put his arm around me. "hey, it'll be okay, don't cry." i laid my head on his shoulder, and felt safe for the first time in forever, and i wished we could have stayed there forever, but i knew if i asked, Garrett would stay with me.