peachy. timothée chalamet

xiv.

fourteen
real life

she slept in theo's bed that night.

not because her own bed was uncomfortable or because she had missed her brother — though it was partly the latter — but because she was terrified of the boy she would be sharing a room with if she hadn't chosen theo.

after timothée removed dylan's comment from his instagram, the older boy had stormed into their bedroom demanding an answer as to why it happened. when rose didn't have an explanation, he began to yell and get worked up over it. the tone of his voice scared her to the point where she almost broke down in front of him. instead, she stood and walked out of the room past him, already dialing timothée's number and pressing the phone to her ear.

she stood on the porch as they spoke in order to have a little privacy. still, she was interrupted by her other brother as he opened the front door and joined her on the small bench underneath the window.

"do you want to sleep in my room tonight?" he asked after a long silence between them.

rose nodded, and he stood to leave. it was the only thing he said to her that evening, for when she entered his bedroom around eleven o'clock, he was already fast asleep. she climbed under the covers next to him and drifted to sleep with her arms wrapped around him.

timothée picked her up the next morning after dylan went to work. she told her mother not to mention it to her eldest son and the woman didn't question why she wanted to hide their interaction. rose knew that the woman was just as wary of dylan as much as anyone else in the household but her love for him caused her to be blind to it. it was the same way with rose's father — she grasped onto a broken love and let it cover the true crack in their relationship. she was completely oblivious to just how much their family was crumbling beneath them.

the two young adults spent the car ride in silence, interrupted only by the constant sound of music on the radio. rose liked it this way. she could enjoy timothée's presence without feeling a need to fill the air with conversation.

as he navigated the streets of her small neighborhood, she turned to look at him. a small smile crossed her lips when he connected their gazes and his cheeks flushed a dusty shade of pink.

"stop staring at me," he muttered, his eyes returning to the road in front of him.

rose placed her face in her hands and continued to keep her stare locked onto him. "no."

they reached a red light and the car slowed to a stop. timothée turned to face her completely, reaching out and taking her hand. slowly, he brought it to his lips and lightly kissed her fingers, right on the spot where he had placed her ring years before. her stomach erupted in butterflies and for a moment, she wanted to pull his face to her's. for a moment, she wanted to feel the bliss that she did when they were together. for a moment, she wanted to love him and be loved back.

but then the light turned green and he focused his attention on driving and rose was left to settle back into the silence around them.

she came to terms in that minute with this being how their life would play out. they would see each other every few years and avoid the fact that they still were deeply in love with one another. the history between them was too heavy — the things they went through during their relationship was too much for them to look back on. so they flipped to a blank page and started a whole new life without each other. they would start different families in different towns with different lovers, writing over the family they were so close to having before.

she felt her heart grow heavy, physically suffering through the pain of it shattering. she knew it would last a long time, but she knew that at some point she would go numb again, just like the first time she left. this time she looked forward to the numbness — she would welcome it with open arms and let it conceal the emotions she wished weren't there. she would sit through the pain and learn to live alongside it.

because she would rather feel the heartbreak herself than let timothée be left broken again.

author's note !
sorry this took so long. i started work and couldn't write anything. i also had a huge writer's block, but it was magically cured by emotional trauma and inspired this mess of a heartbreaking book!! fun!!