Dance of Ciprahn

Chapter Nine

His mannerisms and way of speaking are so polite and polished T reminds her of those old James Bond movies, except that he isn't British. But at the same time he seems relaxed and good natured and you didn't need to put up a front to match him. Cass smiles a little. He seems like a nice guy. She has been burned by so many douchebag guys that she didn't even really have guy friends anymore. She was really alone. Except for Jo and Gloria. They meant the world to her. They made small talk and got to know one another. At one point he subtly glanced at the ring again but besides that things were going pretty well and it seemed normal. 

Somehow they start talking about relationships. Cass had so many terrible relationships and periods of singleness that she thought she would never meet The One. She is losing hope that she would ever find true love and marry. She wants to meet her soul mate and have a huge family, while still balancing her career and passions. She tries so hard to be happy for her friends who are getting engaged, married and having children. But in the back of her mind she knows her heart is growing colder. A little harder each time. That scares her but she doesn't really know what else to do. At some point in all of these emotions and an overwhelming sense of despair rush at her in a fearsome wave and she starts crying. All at once she feels naked, vulnerable, alone and pitiful. Tears and snot. She is sorry her new friend T has to see this.

 Ever the gracious gentleman T hands her a handkerchief and tenderly puts a hand on her shoulder. His calming presence is a welcome one. Cass feels so humiliated and broken but she slowly puts her head towards his bosom as if to lay on it, and T gently pulls her towards himself and put his arms around her to comfort her. Her cheek brushes against his tie — and through the fabric of his expensive suit she could feel his warmth. He has such a calm, inviting warmth that she feels she could dwell in its presence forever. He has a nice natural scent like that of pine, sunlight, nature and earth. She knew he wasn't trying to take advantage of her, and she feels utterly safe and protected in his arms. After her disastrous love life and humiliation on the dance floor it had been too much for Cass to take. Just to feel the love and touch of another person was something she desperately craves. She longs to be touched and loved. She yearns to be known and desired. For so long she has cried herself to sleep after a bottle of wine — and pitifully cuddling with her pillow wishing it was someone who loved her — and would hold her lovingly as she sleeps. She didn't understand. She didn't understand why she hasn't been able to find love. 

Why it continues to elude her like some phantom butterfly, taking to the skies whenever she ventures to go near. It gets better. "It gets better," her grandmother used to say. "Sometimes good things pass us by so that th' great ones can come to us. Sometimes the Universe will delay giving us a couple of mediocre things in order to give us something truly exceptional. Don't fret lil' Cassy, something great your way is sure t'come!" Cass continues to lay her head on T's chest. She has stopped crying mostly. Only a few sniffles here and there. "Why are you crying? What has caused a beautiful woman such as yourself to cry?" "Was it a man? Bring him here and I will smoosh him with my fists for you!" T grins at her. Cass cracks a smile. God he's so stupid. What a cheesy thing to say. But it was really sweet. Then an alarm dings in her brain. Oh God, is he seeing anyone? Am I here chumming it up with someone else's husband or boyfriend? She looks over at T and studies him quickly. Is he the sort to cheat? She didn't think so. 

But she couldn't recall if he was single or not. Then her brain freezes. She is looking into his endless, kind emerald eyes and for a moment she loses herself. They say that when it wants to the brain can switch over into "falling in love" mode within milliseconds. She didn't know about that but she did know that time literally seemed to slow down for what seemed like thirty seconds. Cass is going to say something but her brain couldn't remember what it was. They continue locking eyes for what seems like forever. She quickly glances at his lips. She swallows and her throat feels dry and parched. Her heart is pounding rapidly like she is having a panic attack. She feels really hot and dehydrated and she could feel sweat start to form under her armpits. Her breathing has become deep and labored. Her pupils dilate. 

She feels dazed and disoriented. Her tongue moves over the groves of her teeth inside her mouth and she feels light as a feather. She wants to kiss T so badly. To fill her lips mush against his, to look deeply into his eyes. She wants him to hold her, touch her, love her. She wants to feel his slow loving caresses and touches of adoration. All the loneliness in her leaps at him and desires to utterly possess and own him. She quickly glances down, alarmed at what she is feeling. She pulls away like she always does. She rubs her eyes drying them. "Oh sorry! I don't know what came over me." She looks at him demurely. "You must think I'm crazy," she says softly. "No. I just think you are having a bad day." He grins his million-dollar smile and her heart does a little flutter and she quickly looks down again. She wants to stay sitting with him for longer but she couldn't think of anything to say. 

Her mind races to think of anything to say to get him to stay. But her mind couldn't focus — she is too tired and flustered. The lights turn on near the stage. Reluctantly T gets up. "Alas, I must go." Cass' heart plummets and she only looks at him sadly. T maintains her gaze and gently takes her hand. "I'm sure our paths will cross again." He softly gives a quick kiss on her hand, looking deeply into her eyes. Cass can only look at him in a daze too overwhelmed by the evening to process everything. T stands up, turns to go — pauses while looking at her, then turns away. She watches him go, wishing he would stay by her side. She looks down at her hand he had kissed and replayed everything that happened in her mind's eye. If only things had been different and I wasn't such a klutz.....