It Wasn't Me

Pt. 1 Ch.16- Darren

     I shouldn't have fucked Kim. I felt terrible about cheating on Nayomi. Damn. Cheating on Nayomi? I had my thoughts backwards. I was cheating on my wife with Nayomi but I didn't feel that way. I felt like Nayomi was the one I was cheating on. She was the one I hurt with my selfish ways. I loved her. I didn't want to hurt her. I wished she would just talk to me and listen to what I had to say. Really! What would I say? There was nothing I could say to make things better. I had lied to the woman I loved all because I was too afraid of her leaving me. To make matters worse I went home and fucked Kim. I was doing it to Kim, but I wanted it to be Nayomi so bad that I actually convinced myself it was her. I was glad that Kim didn't hear me say Nayomi's name when I came. I wanted to call her just to make sure she was okay, but when I called she didn't answer the phone. She didn't respond to any of my text messages, or my voicemails. I was hurt. It felt like my world had ended. When I saw the look on her face when she found out I wished that I could take away her pain. I wanted to hold her and tell her that I loved her. I wanted her to forgive me and let me make love to her.

I was in the kitchen looking around at everything that I had there. I had a beautiful house, multiple cars, money in the bank, and a lucrative business. I kept thinking to myself that I would give it all up for Nayomi. Kim and I weren't in love with each other. She was in love with my money, and I stayed with her because I felt obligated. I felt guilty about our child dying. I knew that it wasn't my fault, but she always threw it in my face and made me feel as if it was. I can still remember that night as if it was yesterday.

I was driving through the streets in search of Kim. We had just gotten married a month earlier. She was four months pregnant and I had been looking for her all night. I had just found out from people that she had been cheating on me and that the baby possibly wasn't mine. I was upset but I wasn't one to believe someone else over Kim. I went to find her. Her mom had told me she was at a friend's house, but I had gone to all her friend's houses and she was not there. Her mother was a drunk so she slipped and told me she was at a guy's house. She was at Michael's house. I knew Michael but we ran in different circles and from what I heard he had a woman already. I raced to his house just to find that there was a party going on. When I went inside I saw Kim sitting on his lap smiling and laughing. I grabbed her arm and pulled her outside. She started yelling trying to explain that she was just at a party, but I wasn't buying it. I was furious and I wanted some answers. I wanted to know if all the rumors were true. I asked her about the baby not being mine and if she had been drinking and smoking while she was pregnant. She told me that she had drank a little but not a lot and she was addicted to weed but she would stop for me. Her confession only made me angrier. She denied the baby being someone else's. She promised me that she had never cheated on me and that everyone else was just jealous. She had created a scene outside the party and Michael was visibly pissed. He had his fists balled and his chest puffed out. He stared at me and I stared at him back. After Kim told me that I was the father he stormed off and went back inside to the party. I wasn't concerned about him, I was concerned about Kim. We were married. I was committed to my marriage and until proven otherwise the baby was mine. I forgave her and she promised to stop the drinking and drugs. Within a week, however, she had lost the baby. It was unmistakably because of the lifestyle she led. There were so many complications that they had to give her a hysterectomy which prevented her from ever having children. She told me too many times that I was only with her for the baby and that it was my fault because of the stress I caused her at the party. For a long time I believed it.

That was then. Kim is certainly a liar and a cheater but I felt so guilty about that night that I dismissed my suspicions. I could never truly prove it. I thought about getting a divorce from Kim, but it was hard because we had no prenuptial agreement. If we divorced she would get at least 4 million dollars of my money. Would my divorce bring Nayomi back? I had hoped so. I didn't know what to do.

I needed Nayomi. She was the person I wanted in my life forever. I looked back on the fun we had. All the time we spent together. I loved her and she loved me. I wasn't going to give up on talking to her. I wasn't going to give up on being with her. I called her one more time with no response. I would continue to call her every day, but if, and I do mean if, she ever answered my call it would take a long time. I would wait for her even if it took forever.