It Wasn't Me

Pt. 2 Ch. 17- Nayomi

     I was so sick and I couldn't stop throwing up or stop crying. I kept wishing it was all a bad dream, but I never awoke from the pain. It was all too much to bear. I had taken off from work for a few days and I had been ignoring all phone calls. I just couldn't handle talking to anyone at the moment. I barely ate and felt it all taking a toll on me. I wanted to call my friends so that I wouldn't have to be alone, but I didn't want to hear what they had to say about the situation. I wished Cynthia hadn't known that way I could have just dealt with it by myself without involving anyone else. I wanted to call Darren and have him comfort me, but I couldn't have the person who caused all of my pain to be the one that made it go away. I thought about how I could have missed that he was married. He never wore a wedding ring or even made it seem like he was seeing someone else let alone married. When I imagined further I realized that at times he wouldn't answer his phone, or he would leave for days at a time. It was rare but it happened. And he did seem visibly shook about the woman at the club. I wondered if she could have been his wife. The more I thought about it the more it seemed likely. I just couldn't understand how I had missed it.

All the lies made me think about my ex-boyfriend Michael. I had loved him whole heartedly and I thought we would one day get married. I was away at school missing him so much when I decided to go back home to see him. I didn't let him know that I was coming because I wanted it to be a surprise. I had gone to my friend Kayla's house to see her and she said that Michael was going to be at a party that a lot of people we knew from the neighborhood were supposed to be attending. Kayla never really liked Michael, but I just wrote it off as her being overprotective. I got dressed at her house. I wanted to look sexy and attractive for Michael. We hadn't seen each other in about 4 months and I wanted to make my short time with him memorable. We headed to the party and I was excited about seeing him and finally being with him. When we got there I was extremely upset to find him sitting in a chair with a girl on his lap kissing her. I didn't even bother to say anything to him. I stomped off but Kayla stayed. I waited in the car and noticed a crowd forming outside. I didn't see exactly what was happening, but Kayla got into the car a few moments later and told me that she had asked around and found out that the girl was carrying Michael's baby. She also said the girl was married to another guy. I was too upset to comment on what she was saying. All I could think about was making Michael pay for cheating on me.

I felt the same about Darren at that moment, but part of me still loved him. I was so confused. I just wanted to sleep. I didn't want to deal with anyone or see anybody. My phone rang off the hook for days but I didn't answer it. I didn't check my voicemail and I wouldn't respond to the text messages. But eventually I would have to talk to my friends or somebody because a few days of no communication, either Cynthia or Kayla would come by looking for me. What would I say to them? What would they say to me? They were going to ask about Darren for sure. All the questions were making me sick again. I didn't know what was wrong with me though I had some suspicions. I had been throwing up and getting headaches for a couple of weeks. I thought maybe I could be pregnant but I quickly dismissed that idea because I had been faithfully taking birth control pills and blamed the symptoms on my distress.

I got out of bed and dragged myself into the kitchen. The dishes hadn't been washed in days and the glasses that Darren and I used the last night we had seen each other were still on the coffee table. The rest of my house was a mess. I had to snap out of this fog. I had to get my life together. I couldn't let a man stop me completely in my tracks. I had to get things together. The first thing I did was change into some cleaning clothes. I felt music and cleaning was therapeutic. I turned on my favorite mixed CD and put it on repeat. It had a mixture of old school, new school, local artist, and underground hits. There were only a few rap artists that made it on to the list and they were mostly from the bay area. I had artists like Rich B4 Rich, Dru Down, Snoop Dogg, and Yung Von. I popped it in and began cleaning. Within an hour and a half my house was spotless. I felt a lot better. The next thing I did was run a hot bath. I was going to take a nice hot soak and wash away all the sadness. While the water ran I scheduled a hair appointment with my favorite hair dresser over at MANE ATTRACTIONS. Since I was a regular she would often fit me in at the last minute. I needed to feel good. I sank into the water and listened to my music. I submerged myself up to my chin and relaxed. It felt sensational to be surrounded by some warm and wet. I thought about Darren and how we used to take bubble baths together. A single tear fell from one eye but I didn't let out a sound. I missed the way he held me and kissed me. I thought about how he talked to me, and how he made me laughed. I thought about whether it was all a lie or if any part of it was true. I just couldn't understand how one person could do something to intentionally hurt another person. I had never done anything to hurt him and I felt I deserved the same respect. The thought of him being married still seemed unrealistic, but I was also thinking, fuck it! It was true and I was hurt. The pain was real. The heartache was real. I finished my bath and called my friends back. I reached Kayla at her office and asked her if she wanted to have lunch in a few hours. She was shocked that I was calling, but of course she wanted to have lunch. I called Cynthia next and before I could say two words to her she started running off at the mouth.

"Nay, where have you been? Are you ok? What happened? Why haven't I been able to reach you? I hope you're okay. I wanted to...."

"Cynthia, I'm fine," I interrupted, "I just wanted to call and ask you if you were down to have lunch with me and Kayla at two o'clock."

"Yeah, of course I am. Where at? Let's go to CJ's and get some loaded potato skins." I agreed because I loved loaded potato skins and CJ's had the best. I ended the conversation with Cynthia to prepare for my hair appointment. It was already after 11am and I needed to get to my appointment if I was going to make it to lunch on time. I dressed in something plain but attractive. I wore a pair of dark designer jeans and a tight, white turtle neck sweater. I rocked some white ankle boots with a small 2 1/2 inch heel. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and wore a single diamond tennis bracelet. It was nothing big but it was one of the only things that didn't remind me of Darren. I walked out of my house leaving the shades open to allow some sunlight in to brighten the place. I got into my car and cruised through the streets to the salon.

When I walked into the salon I was greeted by everyone. I had been getting my hair done there since I graduated from college and loved it. I sat and waited while Melanie, my hairdresser, finished up a previous customer's hair. While I flipped through the pages of a hairstyle magazine a thought occurred to me. I wondered why women cut off all their hair after a tough break up. I guess to try something new. I adored my long hair. It took my whole life to grow it and I would never cut it off. I was there to get a full wash, trim, and style. I chose curls since I loved them so much. We made small talk the entire time I was there. We watched soap operas and laughed about what was happening. I usually enjoyed my visit to the salon. I needed to get out of the house and being there made me forget about my issues with Darren. Within 2 hours I was done and on my way to the restaurant. It only took fifteen minutes but I was already fifteen minutes late. Kayla was late as well, we always were, but Cynthia would definitely be on time. When I arrived she was already there and told me that Kayla was on her way. We had about a ten minute wait before being seated so I had made perfect time. Cynthia and I shared small talk, but I could tell she wanted to ask me about the whole Darren situation. I was pleased that she allowed me to talk to her about it at my own pace. The waitress called Cynthia's name and we were escorted to our table. We took our seats and ordered 2 soft drinks and waited for Kayla to show. She walked in five minutes later and was her usual bubbly self. Kayla didn't like sadness. Her cure for everything was a joke and a party. After the waitress returned with our drinks and took our lunch orders I began explaining what was happening in my life.

"Well I know you guys are aware that Darren and I are not together. He was a liar. He was married and I was foolish to allow myself to fall so fast for someone I didn't truly know. I was very upset at first, but now I feel better. I don't want to dwell on it. I just want to move on with my life. I want to enjoy my time with my friends and get back to having fun."

"Now that's what I'm talking about," said Kayla. She smiled as if Darren had never existed. She was good at dropping anything that wasn't useful and moving on like nothing happened. Just like that night with my ex Michael. Cynthia on the other hand looked worried. She wanted to make sure I was ok. It was her motherly instincts kicking in. I loved her for that. I had the best of both worlds in my friends and that's why we were so close. We ate our food and continued to talk about what was happening with their businesses. Kayla was excited about some new artists that she had been hired to promote. She had tons of ideas and parties to plan. Cynthia's stores were doing so well that she was thinking about opening other businesses in other states. After lunch we made plans to meet up for a spa day sometime that weekend. I was happy to be heading home. I was exhausted. Even though the food was great I felt a nauseous and wanted to get home so I could catch up on all my favorite shows. It was going to be a lonely night, but I felt better about being able to get through it.