Deep {COMPLETED}

s e v e n

Ian Walker

I sat in my car for a solid 15 minutes before turning it off and stepping outside. The air was muggy and hot, everything felt stuffy and like there was barely enough air. I tugged at my clothes out of nervous habit and strode over to the building and inside, where I was immediately blasted by the air conditioning, and I finally felt like I could breathe.

Riley was sitting in the same spot that she had been sitting in the first time I came to group therapy, she probably didn't notice, but I did. I tugged one more time on the collar of my shirt before her eyes scanned the room and landed on me. She smiled genuinely and uncrossed her arms, looking like she was about to stand, but decided to stay sitting.

I wish she would stand, I wish she would cross the room and hug me, hold me tight and rest her head on my chest. I made my way to a seat diagonal from her and she kept her gaze on me. She thought it was just a game but she really didn't know how much of a nervous wreck she made me. I attempted to keep myself from looking at her but it was nearly impossible, how could anyone not want to look at her.

I did my best to focus on Kathy and the session but it wasn't easy. I caught a few snippets of it here and there, "why we find inner fulfillment from sex...sex isn't love...we have to find different outlets...blah, blah, blah..." But as hard as I tried there was no way I could focus on Kathy when I could be focusing on Riley. They couldn't compare, I mean the things Riley made me think of in the top she was wearing...

I caught myself staring at her, and Riley caught me too. I looked away quickly, my cheeks heating up fast as I bit my lip and pretended like I had been listening to Kathy the entire time. Without even looking I knew Riley was smirking, because this was all a game to her, and she was winning. Life was a game to her, a game of chance, and she was always willing to take the chance.

When it was time to mark progress, I added one tally mark, because it was true, one week, no sex. Lot's and lot's of jerking off, but no sex. I had four tally marks next to my name, and even though it was stupid, I felt kind of proud of it. I gave a small smile as everyone clapped and shoved my hands into my pockets before going to sit down.

Riley had no tally marks. She had erased her last one the week before, so everyone was on the edge of their seats wondering what her next move would be. She, unexpectedly, added a tally mark next to her name. I exhaled a breathe I hadn't realized I was holding. I was honestly relieved, it was hard to explain, but I guess when you're in love with a someone, a lot of things become hard to explain.

She strutted back to her seat and pushed her hair out of her face, then sat down and crossed her legs. As I was looking at her she looked back at me and gave a small smile, then looked down avoiding eye contact.

After the session I stayed behind sat in my chair while everyone filed out of the room and into the muggy summer air. I ran my fingers through my hair repeatedly, trying to build up the courage to go out and face Riley. She always talked to me after group therapy and I wasn't prepared to try and hold a conversation with her today.

As I rounded the corner of the hallway that led outside, I could see her standing on the curb with her arms crossed, as well as her ankles, waiting for her friend to come and pick her up. I looked at her back for awhile, observing her, before she could see me. She had on black skinny jeans, that hugged her waist and ass, but you couldn't really tell with the shirt she was wearing, a black tank top and a dark blue and gray flannel over it, left completely unbuttoned, her breasts bulging out of her top. The flannel came down just above the end off her butt, leaving only a little of it exposed. The wind was blowing it up slightly, as well as pieces of her hair into her face, she reached up and brushed them away, and as she turned her head, she caught sight of me standing in the hallway and smiled, waiting for me to walk over to her.