it's been years since i've written.
i used to write until my hands ached at 3 in the morning.
poems, short stories, novels.
my outlet for my feelings was writing everything out and reading it back.
usually, to music
reminding myself over and over again of the hurt that i felt.
i have felt a lot of hurt since i was 15 years old and wrote my last poem.
the boy with the braces, age 15
the boy with tactful manipulation skills, age 16
the boy who i've loved since middle school, age 17
and the boy with the motorbike, age 18
all of them have taken pieces of me i will never get back
all of them have given me things that i would have not received otherwise
all of them have taught me lessons for the future
i am almost 19 years old and going to college in the fall
the boy with the braces taught me to have respect for myself
the boy with the manipulation skills taught me to know better
the boy who i've loved since middle school taught me to not let something good go
and the boy with the motorbike taught me not to fall for the first boy who smiles at you during a hard time
all of them taught me that i don't need anybody to make me happy
i'm going through a tough time
but all i need is an instance of courage and confidence and the ability to recognize what i deserve
truly, all i need
