I kept looking down at this stupid syllabus and back up at the clock. This had to be the longest math class ever. I just wanted the day to end already. Luckily, I was sitting next to my friend Eve. Of course, we talked and giggled instead of paying attention. How can this class only be an hour long? It felt like so much longer. Finally the bell rang and I quickly darted out. I had volleyball tryouts after school so I had to hurry because, of course, our school didn't have locker rooms so we had to change in the bathroom. I grabbed my sports bag out of my homeroom and headed straight for the crowd to beat the two other sports teams also needing to change for practice.
Once again, my lack of attention led me to run smack into him. I didn't save myself this time.
"Are you following me or something?" He joked while helping me up. I was holding my nose. He had a good five inches on me and my nose went right into his bony chest.
"Oh gosh, no. I was just trying-"
"I know. I was just kidding, Mia." He interrupted me. I kinda felt stupid. So I just apologized and walked to the bathroom.
I managed to miss my chance to change in the privacy of a stall so I started stripping. I put on my spandex and a t-shirt. I headed into the gym for practice. We went over hitting, setting, and accuracy. I was a setter so I really enjoyed the setting portion. Once practice ended, we packed up the net and grabbed our things. I was covered in a gross layer of sweat. I couldn't wait to go home and shower. I sat outside in the humid August air and waited for my mom to come pick me up. Of course, that's just about when the soccer team gets done practice. Shane played soccer apparently. I knew this because he walked by and waved to me. I waved back with my clammy hand. That was slightly embarrassing.
I got home and took out all the stupid papers my mom had to sign to basically say I am gonna follow all the rules throughout the year, which I most certainly was not going to.
That night at dinner my mom asked me how my first day was. It wasn't great. I was still the miserable 14 year old I was the day before. But I lied.
"It was alright. I made a couple new friends."
"That's good." She went silent and stared at the table. She tried so hard to make our family seem normalish but it wouldn't work. A depressed 14 year old girl, a 12 year old pothead boy, a mom bus driver and a self employed dad with all different views, we could never be normal. I was constantly being yelled at for stuff that seemed so pointless. While my brother could basically do whatever he wanted. Our family was far from normal.
After dinner, I headed downstairs to my room. I locked the door behind me. I laid down in my bed and tried to calm myself down, but it really wasn't working. I felt the darkness taking over. I leaned over and grabbed the small, metal, heart-shaped container. It was covered in bright, blue glitter and had little sequins glued to it. It seemed like such a happy thing, except it held my blades. I took one out and stared at it for while. I guess I was trying to talk myself out of it. I mean I didn't have a horrible day. It didn't work. I slid my shorts up and drew five more lines into my torn up thighs.
I used to cut my wrists. It's where everyone does it. Until I was in the bathroom washing my hands and someone pointed them out and laughed about it. So I decided my less visible upper thigh was much more suitable.
I didn't want people to know. I did it for myself. I guess it made me feel in control. I went into the bathroom and cleaned up the cuts and put a bandage on the deeper one. I put the blade away and started my homework. It didn't last very long as I took out my phone to check Facebook. I had one new friend request. I clicked on it and it was Shane. I accepted it, but I didn't message him. I just shut the laptop. It was already almost 11. I needed to sleep so I decided to shut off the light and try. I stared at the ceiling for a while and slowly drifted asleep.
