Fucked - A Negovanman Story

Hummingbird

Natasha was slowly getting to know Elise more. As the filming of season one progressed, they spent more time together, as Natasha tried her best to cover her hummingbird heart.

Sure she got along very well with everyone else as well, but she couldn't keep her focus off Elise.

Natasha hoped in the beginning of those feelings that they would go away and that she could get to know the girl and be just good friends. Their connection was unbelievable, everyone could see it. They would finish each other sentences while interacting (Natasha felt a butterfly dance inside her every time it happened, well, a lot), they would make jokes around in the set and Elise would feed her cookies.

She discovered more about Elise's family and personality. The girl was a catch. She found that Elise was insane about yoga, that she had a pretty veggie healthy diet but also a very sweet tooth. Elise was a light presence, full of calmness, yet a fierce, strong energy at the same time. The petite woman carried a huge flame in her eyes whenever she spoke about something she was passionate about.

The brunette began to feel more comfortable around Elise, her heart calmed a bit from all the stress from the beginning, but there were times when Elise would laugh and lightly touch her arm, any sort of innocent skin contact that would send Natasha's heart on fire, so she would blush a little and gaze away from her, normally downwards, cause it was just too much to handle.

In a typical filming day she would wake up feeling a huge warmth and anxious to get to the location, obviously to see the beautiful Elise Bauman.

Despite everything she felt, Natasha thought that it would all be okay. Her feelings for her new found and growing friend were getting easier to manage. She would act like she saw the girl as a friend, at least she tried to do so. But she could not control the stares, as her eyes seemed to work separately from her brain, not being able to prevent the intense stares she knew she was giving the blonde. As a response, oblivious or straight Elise would feel the staring, would glance at her and smile in the cutest way possible, twirling her hair and then either going back to what she was doing or saying something completely unrelated to the fact that Natasha was drooling over her. Natasha truly hoped all the feelings would slowly go away with time, and till then, she hoped no one, especially Elise, would find out. It was the hardest acting she would perform in life.

But season one was nearing its end, and she was in her couch reading the script for the last episode, with a cup of coffee in hand. Suddenly, Natasha read a word that made her heart jump so loud that her body followed the lead and she spilled hot coffee on her hand.

"Ouch!" She ran to the kitchen fast to pour cold water on it, but it did not ease the burn inside her. It would leave a mark.

A kiss. Carmilla holds Laura and kisses her passionately. And Natasha falls on the floor from cardiac arrest.

Natasha was trying to remind herself to breathe, the air seemed so thick.

But what the hell was happening to her? I mean, she knew that eventually that moment would come, they played characters who loved each other, so a kiss was bound to happen, and the fans were anticipating that moment.

But Natasha felt like she wasn't ready for that just yet. She was in still in rehab trying to recover from an insane crush she developed over her new friend, and now she was supposed to kiss her. It's basically like giving the drug to an addict person in recovery.

She felt like such a child with everything. She remembered her first girl crush when she was only 16, how pathetic she once was, how her heart raced and how the girl was so very straight, as an arrow. Yet the feelings she got from Elise were similar, if not stronger and a little bit more mature.